Could The Golden Rule Be The Ancient Answer To Modern Bullying Prevention?

Could The Golden Rule Be The Ancient Answer To Modern Bullying Prevention?
The Ethic of Reciprocity, Empathy, Compassion and Love To Resolve Bullying

There are proponents of using "The Golden Rule" as the best way to defeat bullying.  But is it the best way to handle bullying for you or your child?

Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated for Bullying?
Based on several of the world's religions and even a secular point of view, perhaps the one most Westerners are familiar with is the Judeo-Christian lesson from the Bible.  King James version in Matthew 7:12 is perhaps the best known version stating,

"Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."

According to Wikipedia, "The maxim of the "golden rule" is exemplified in many Christian stories, such as the Parable of the Good Samaritan, which are unadorned replications of the JewishTorah: "Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD."(Leviticus 19:18 —NJPS)[1]"

Bullying Prevention With A Spiritual Solution
Implicitly as well as explicitly taught in most families and neighborhoods in America is the idea of treating others the way you would like to be treated.  Several character development, respect and tolerance programs also promote these values of social etiquette.

Defeat Bullying With Love?
As protection specialists, our approach is more comprehensive than most.  With a bit of research you will discover many bullying prevention proponents taking one particular approach and applying it to all bullying situations.  While we acknowledge the value of addressing bullying with kindness as one approach, we would argue that it is incomplete.  This is tantamount to offering prescription without diagnosis as each bullying situation has it's own dynamics, factors and therefore risks.

"Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself." – Confucius[15]

Feels Good But Might Be Wrong For This Bullying Situation
While this approach may be the recommended strategy in some situations (and a good one), it is not a one size fits all solution.  In certain circumstances, this advice might be dangerous.  If the bullying has already escalated and kindness has failed, perhaps to the point where your son or daughter is being abused, your child may not be able to wait for kindness and love to resolve the situation.  Keep in mind that children can be sociopaths too.

In Dr. George Thompson's teachings, founder of VERBAL JUDO, preserving the individuals dignity is at the cornerstone of seeking a peaceful, cooperative resolution.  Evidence confirms that this can be an effective tool in peaceful negotiations.

Equipping Children By Guiding Them Through Bullying Situations
Giving the bullying problem back to the child so that they can develop some social skills, personal boundary and safety education can be powerful if done properly and carefully.  However, some situations call for immediate intervention and we should not expect some children, especially very young ones to have the wisdom, threat assessment and maturity skills to handle it alone.  Resolving it for them may also not be the answer and that is why it is important to be trained on such matters and work together with parents, teachers, coaches and approach the situation with wisdom.

We don't want to risk creating a permanent victim and easy target.  While life is risk, the partnership advocacy approach prevents unnecessary risks and has lasting benefits in equipping the intended target of bullying to better manage future aggressive behavior.

It is for this reason that we advocate involving parents, teachers and counselors to offer insight, wisdom and a more dispassionate and objective point of view.

The Golden Rule is One Strategy, But Not The Only Bullying Prevention Approach
The Golden Rule is one of the approaches that we advocate, however we must be careful to apply the right approach to the situation.  Each bullying situation is unique and should be treated with temperance, care and a centered calm.  Context, or the unique situation always determines the defense or approach to resolving the issue.  An assessment and clearly defining your desired outcome is the starting point.  Just be cautious not to paint with overly broad strokes, especially when it comes to children's safety.


For more information on Bullying Prevention, Speaking or Bullying Prevention Events
Contact info@usa-martialarts.com or call 602-896-8721 

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Facebook Arizona Bullying Prevention Project
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VoiceAmerica Outreach Today Show Bullying Interview

Bully Busters: The Battle against Bullying with Tips for Parents and Kids

Aired January 18, 2012

Hosted by Melissa Jenkins-Simon with Co-Host Diane Stafford

Listen to the show on Bullying: 

Download mp3: http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/download/58770

itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=456371519

Today I was a phone in guest on VoiceAmerica Variety Channel show Outreach Today with Melissa Jenkins-Simon.  www.voiceamerica.com/show/1955/outreach-today

The topic was Bullying and how parents can help bully-proof their children.  For my segment I was asked about specific strategies we teach to help children with bullying competence.  I wanted to reiterate and expand some of those tips to better clarify my position as we were limited on time.

I'm sometimes included in such discussions because my background and approach are very different than most of the guests featured on such programs or behind anti-bullying/bullying prevention programs.  As a professional protector I bring a perspective that is somewhat outside the box.

To this day I believe my programs are the only bullying prevention programs:

• Developed by a professional protector
• Trained in bullying prevention
• Conflict resolution
• Verbal Judo
• Advanced Threat Assessment
• Non-violent/force apporopriate self defense, who is also a teacher with over 26 years of successfully teaching bullying prevention.

In essence it addresses the full scope of bullying prevention from avoidance, deterrence, de-escalation and even peaceful self-defense.

My programs emphasize:
 1. Treatment of the intended target of bullying (I do not like to label anyone a "victim").
 2. Treatment of the child exhibiting the bullying behavior.
 3. The social atmosphere and culture enabling the process.

The Three Shields Bullying Prevention Approach
This three pronged approach is what I refer to as the THREE SHIELDS strategy.  Drawing upon ancient martial arts wisdom, the three shields also represent the MIND, BODY and SPIRIT, or elements of a human being, that must be considered.

Each bullying situation is unique so it is important that we don't overly generalize and recognize the importance of understanding the dynamics and facts before rushing to judgement or offering overly specific prescription without adequate diagnosis.  This is where the wisdom of caring teachers, parents and administrators comes in. They can bring a sense of calm wisdom to bear in an effort to treat the situation appropriately.

Five Steps To Handling a Bully Effectively Without Fighting
1. Make friends.  Friendship beats bullying.
2. Tell everyone until they listen.
3. Avoid the bullying set up and bad situations. Listen to your gut.
4. Take a stand early.  " STOP! "
5. Defend yourself from bullying. Nobody has the right to hurt you.

Verbal Judo Comeback Lines to Stop Bullying
1. Humor: "You're funny. The last time I heard that I was in pre-school."
2. Cleverness: "I hear you. Too bad my spam-box is full."

How Parents Can Help Children With Bullying
1. Be a good listener and actively work on your relationship with your child.
2. Be a good role model of safe behavior and how to problem solve using your mind and peaceful means.
3. Role play safety and bullying scenarios as quality time.
4. Watch for signs and be prepared to stay involved.
5. Use resources and get educated so you can respond rather than react.  Use it as a teachable moment.

Following the show my friend and fellow martial artist, Police Officer Eric Gugel commented on his experience as a law enforcement professional and father regarding bullying.  He shared with me that he is being called in to deal with bullying situations as a Police Officer.  He encourages individuals, parents and children to learn conflict resolution skills.  Thanks Officer Gugel for your service to your community and being a great role model of professional law enforcement.

Be a Hero - Do The Right Thing

"If You See Something - Say Something!"

Conflict Avoidance for Bullying Prevention overview
A = Always practice safe habits and avoid potentially bad situations with alertness to safety priorities
B= Breathe to stay calm and respond rather than react out of emotion
C= Communicate with confidence, body language is key for projecting inner-strength. Tell others - you're not alone.
D= Defend yourself. Common sense before self defense but nobody has the right to injure you. Protect yourself from physical bullying and escape to safety.
For more click here

For more information we are hosting a Bullying Event
The hosts were kind enough to mention our Bullying Prevention Bootcamp for children this Saturday at USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix.  The free bullying prevention workshop will be from 12:30-1:15 and cover some fundamentals from my Bully Proof Vest program.  Contact info@usa-martialarts.com or call 602-896-8721 to register for this free event.

To request your FREE BULLYING PREVENTION GUIDE contact info@usa-martialarts.

http://USA-MartialArts.com
Facebook Arizona Bullying Prevention Project [Free Bullying Prevention Advice & Info]
Webspecial Children's Martial Arts Bullying Prevention http://KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com

Bully Proofing Your Child

Bully Proofing Your Child

The Founder of the Bullying Prevention Program Called Bully-Proof Vest 5 Step Method of Handling Bullying Without Fighting Shares Secrets to Help Parents and Teachers Protect Children from Bullying in Phoenix AZ

Bully Proofing Your Child starts with some simple but often overlooked or under-emphasized steps. Having taught thousands of children and adults steps to effectively handle bullying behavior over the past 26 years I've been able to learn quite a few practical lessons.

• How to handle aggressive behavior
• Developing self-awareness
• Encouraging empathy
• Verbal Judo Martial Arts for the Mouth
• Overcoming worry, fear and anxiety

Some of the same skills we teach at my bodyguard/security training events are directly applicable to these situations. However, we have to consider the audience and the age-appropriate learning methodology.

I'm able to meet thousands of parents and children each year and have had the opportunity to analyze the behavior of children, their parents and notice what works... more importantly when it comes to handling bullying, what doesn't.

1. It begins with the relationship from the parent or teacher to the child. The child needs to feel that it is OK to talk to you about difficult or troubling subjects. The lines of communication need to always remain open. Children need to know they can trust their parents to not to over-react to what they tell you and that they will be believed. I always tell parents, trust but verify. But the child should see that you choose to trust them first and will then tactfully verify. It is important to preserve the bond of trust and the dignity of the child. It is important to treat all safety concerns with a calm and sincere effort.
2. Setting an example how to deal with aggressive or abusive behavior. Children will follow their role models and often replicate what they see. How they experience and witness the parent handing aggressive behavior will usually result in them doing the same. Think of these moments as teachable times where you can show how self control, putting something in context and treating others appropriately is important. Simply taking a moment to use an anger management technique could be powerful. If you cut off in traffic, rather than lashing out in anger, using threats or rude gestures, take a deep breath, count to ten and use your words to redirect your emotions and behavior. "Wow, I need to take a breath, count to ten and take some cool down time." You are then teaching your child how to use these techniques and can use this example when they face frustrating challenges. This sets the stage for staying calm in the face of a bullying situation and creating some emotional separation to think more clearly.
3. Building strong social skills are critical for bully proofing your child. Simply teaching them how to make eye contact, shake hands firmly, do introductions and initiate conversations help build confidence and bullying prevention skills. Additionally, your child will feel more comfortable trying to confront the problem with words or access help by involving adults. Children with higher social intelligence and more advanced social skills are less likely to be selected as the target of bullying. This is why it is important to help your child develop self awareness and empathy.
4. Testing and guiding social intelligence. One simple test that I advise parents to give their child is simply to observe them introducing themselves to a group or social situation. Notice how they shy away, or work their way into a group. Note their body language, tone, word choice. You can encourage improvement in all of these areas if necessary. You can also watch how your child demonstrates problem solving skills. Often when a child reverts to bullying, they are demonstrating a lack of alternative social skills. By providing them with other options, they can develop more responsible methods of getting what they want. This can go a long way in teaching your child how to prevent and manage aggressive behavior, abuse and bullying situations.
5. Imparting and reinforcing strong safety skills. Teaching safety skills should be a natural part of growing up. Reinforcing them is a matter of taking advantage of teachable moments just as you would teaching a child to hold your hand and look both ways before crossing a street. Just like wearing a seat belt, bullying and abduction safety habits can be introduced in a non-threatening manner as to not cause undo anxiety or worry. Role playing is another great way of reinforcing these lessons and, with a bit of creativity, can be a fun way of boding with a child.
6. Encouraging integrity, character and doing the right thing are ways to build a positive self concept and self respect. These go a long way in building inner strength. You can notice children who carry themselves with dignity and confidence. They project an inner strength that comes from the respect they have for themselves. Respect begins with one's self and in the home. Additionally, a child who has a strong sense of values and self is far more likely to speak up to help defend someone else. Children can learn to be a good friend, include others, and thwart bullying by speaking up when they see wrong. Isn't that the world we all want to live in? In my Nottingham's KNIGHTS program, we encourage a hero culture (as opposed to the victim culture) and celebrate courage, honor, standing up for the weak. Our goal is to have the strong be confident and courageous in defending others who may not have the ability to do so. Reports show that over 85% of bullying happens away from teachers and adults. Encouraging character, integrity and a hero culture helps redirect and reduce bullying incidences in social situations when adults may not be present.

These are integral lessons reinforced in most martial arts schools. In my USA Martial Arts school in Phoenix, these are not only encouraged, but required. Students earn patches, stickers, and advance in martial arts belt rank based on displaying consistent positive choices, good habits, social as well as leadership skills and safety skills.

But you don't need a professional martial arts instructor and bodyguard trainer to help your child learn these things. It can begin at home or school with simple encouragement and consistent reinforcement over time.

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FREE BULLYING PREVENTION SEMINAR TO THE PHOENIX AZ COMMUNITY at USA MARTIAL ARTS

FREE BULLYING PREVENTION SEMINAR TO THE PHOENIX AZ COMMUNITY at USA MARTIAL ARTS

Cost: Free - Fully Sponsored by USA Martial Arts Phoenix & Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards

Phoenix, AZ – Master John Nottingham's USA Martial Arts in Phoenix has announced plans for a community Bullying Prevention Seminar scheduled for 6:00 PM, each Wednesday, December 2011.

The seminars are part of USA Martial Arts Bullying Prevention initiative international to help educate our communities in preventing Bullying Behavior. With over 26 years of experience in successfully helping men, women and children deal with bullying, USA Martial Arts Phoenix is flexing its muscle against Bullying by teaching free Bullying Prevention seminars in local schools, companies and organizations.

As part of our campaign to prevent bullying, USA Martial Arts Phoenix has partnered with an international group who is largely recognized as the authority on Bullying Prevention, the Bullying Prevention International Initiative and the Phoenix Bullying Prevention Program "Bully Proof Vest".

According to local USA Martial Arts Phoenix owner and instructor Master John Nottingham, education is the key to Bullying Prevention.

“Research indicates that 1 in 4 children are affected by bullying and the impact can be far reaching. Consequences of bullying include anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, physical ailments, absenteeism and poor academic achievement. Through age-appropriate instruction, direct training and open houses such as this one, collectively martial arts schools around the globe aim to have a positive impact on reducing bullying and victimization”, says bodyguard trainer Nottingham.

Nottingham was once the target of bullying himself until he discovered the self-defense lessons of martial arts. Later he incorporated bodyguard strategies used to protect VIPs and other dignitaries. His first client was himself and has since been teaching and developing his methods for over 20 years.

"This program is the only program we are aware of that is designed by professional protectors and has practical elements that keep children safe. It's practical, and easy to learn through our step by step method. At the core of the program is learning how to recognize, avoid, de-escalate and deter bullying before it begins. We emphasize empathy, social intelligence, good decisions and habits and making friends if possible. However, when push comes to shove, we can show how to effectively protect yourself effectively without going overboard and doing something excessive."

Attendance at the Bullying Prevention Seminar is limited. To register contact USA Martial Arts Phoenix at (602) 896-8721 or info@usa-martialarts.com.

Parents Getting False Sense of Security with Bullying Prevention Programs

Academics Masquerading as Self-Defense Experts May Give Parents False Sense of Security with Bullying Prevention Programs?

• Is The Anti-Bullying Movement like the Failed Stranger Danger Movement?
• Why is the Anti-Bullying Movement now a centralized Federal government effort, spending your tax dollars, rather than a local, family, teacher, school issue?
• Why are the so called bullying prevention programs not designed by professional protectors?
• Does your child's anti-bullying program infringe on free speech?
• Does your child's school anti-bullying program scare your child into being a victim and not defending himself if physically attacked?
• Is bullying really a crisis? Is bullying an epidemic? Is bullying really different present day as compared to the past? What exactly is "bullying" by strict definition anyway?

Did you know that recent research* shows that school-wide anti-bullying programs aren't working?

The so-called "ANTI-BULLYING" programs your child's school is teaching may not be what they are promoting them to be. This is especially true for some of the more politically motivated programs being pushed in some schools.

Here is a discussion I have had on more than one occasion with a parent, administrator or well-intentioned teacher...

Teacher: "We have a great bullying prevention program." (implying we don't need yours).

JN: "Really? What makes it so good?"

Teacher: "They make sure to teach the kids to speak up. Our school takes bullying really seriously. They have meetings, assemblies and everything."

JN: "That's great. What do they teach if the child is getting beat up?

Teacher: "Uhhh??"

JN: "Here's my question...what if right now, your child is being held in a headlock, hair pulled, punched in the eye then thrown to the ground?"

Teacher: [Blank stare. Pause. Eyebrows raise.] Hmm. "To report it?"

JN: "Do you believe that is the best response and willing to accept those consequences? What about the child?"

Teacher: "Hm. I never thought of it that way."

JN: Research indicates that over 85% of bullying goes unreported. What about those times?

JN: If there were a way to teach your child how to safely escape that situation with minimal damage to either child would you want to learn about it?"

That's my definition of a bullying prevention program. It must address the reality of aggressive behavior, conflict management and problem solving in the context of a child's daily life - in or out of school.

If your so-called bullying prevention program doesn't include physical intervention skills, then it is not a bullying prevention program.

Before you think I am bashing teachers, the public education system or our government's programs on bullying, please take a moment to understand my background.

o Trainer to military, law enforcement and bodyguards

o Graduate of Gavin de Beckers Academy for Protectors and trained in Advanced Threat Assessment and Management

o Taught over 10,000 students in my career

o 6th Degree Master multiple Black Belt holder

o Trained by the US Army for Military Intelligence

o 20 plus years of bullying prevention and self-defense research, practice and training

My goal is to be the catalyst for a more informed discussion and one that includes safety and self defense experts. My contention is that it could be better. That's why I created training programs and an organization (The Bullying Prevention Initiative International) dedicated to that mission. We have better answers to the problem but can easily be lost in a sea of misinformation being aggressively promoted.

I was the target of bullying and learned to over come it. More importantly, I have been SUCCESSFULLY been teaching men, women and children how to deal with bullying and self defense situations for over 25+ years. I'm confident in what I teach because I have evidence and personal experience to back it up.

While I deeply respect the teaching profession, the numerous professional educators in my schools and seminars over the years my contention is with the merits and approach to the bullying programs - not the individuals.

My belief is that when teachers and parents know better then they can choose to do better. Right now, some serious emotional placebos being promoted when it comes to leading people to believe that some of these popular bullying prevention programs are going to effectively keep children safe. While they may* contribute toward safety, they could be much better.

Heard or read any of these? If you want the facts, you should consider doing more research.

The Facts About Most Bullying Programs

What many schools are representing as a bullying prevention program is in fact a verbal and emotional abuse reporting program.

Wishful thinking is not effective self-defense. Nor is leaving children to their own devices when push comes to shove. If children do not know what appropriate physical intervention skills they can use, they may over-react and respond with excessive force.

Excessive force can be the result of ineffectively or inappropriately applied force options. There are appropriate force, humane and responsible physical intervention techniques available.

Our programs present options for using simple distractions, leverage and defensive physical intervention techniques. It protects all the children involved while being socially, morally and legally conscientious.

Any good bullying prevention program will list the types of bullying as:

1. Verbal

2. Social (Indirect, Alienation, Cyber-Bullying)

3. Physical

Note: Cyber-bullying is one of the first two via a sometimes anonymous and often, poorly monitored 24/7 access medium.

So then where is the training for physical abuse prevention? What mechanism is in place that protects children from physical abuse? The fact is that it remains ill addressed and the only mechanisms that most programs suggest is prevention and reporting. These options, while important, are negligent and incomplete.

Pre-contact and post-contact solutions are important, however it does nothing to help a desperate child having the daylights beat and kicked out of him or her.

Inevitably, when we present this point to many schools they express concern about liability. This is a valid concern but not one a parent can put over their child's safety when it comes to a clear case of abuse. We have options for true bullying prevention training that also protects from liability. Our training covers program bullying prevention training program options for schools, teachers and private citizens.

ANTI-BULLY! ZERO TOLERANCE! BULLY FREE ZONE!

Perhaps you've seen some of these emotional placebo type efforts. But think critically for a moment, do they actually reduce bullying? Are they keeping our children any safer?

Some of the bullying programs actually vilify children, many who are targets themselves and acting out with bullying behavior. These purported ANTI-BULLY programs can be just as aggressive as other kinds of bullying. Being a bigger bully is not a recommended nor acceptable approach to bullying prevention and raising happy, healthy safer children. These are the same types of poorly researched programs still teaching such irresponsible techniques as "just walk away" or "bullies don't like themselves and are just insecure". The facts do not support these beliefs.

My issue is with the security theater type approach so prevalent today. The facts just do not support the claims and impression they are misleading themselves and parents with.

While a applaud the well-intentioned efforts of teachers and administrators implementing bullying prevention programs, I take issue with the programs neglecting one of the most important aspects of human rights - the right to not be abused - the right to self-defense. Without options, it can get extremely violent.

Furthermore I deplore the idea that the safety and self-defense advice is coming from people without expertise in the field. That is clearly misrepresentation and misleading others to the children's detriment. I find it inexcusable that the required self-defense and personal safety information/expertise is available and willing to help, yet gets ignored.

We believe that children need to know when they have the right to defend themselves to stop an attacker from hurting them. In our programs we do not teach fighting. Fighting is not the same thing as self-defense. We teach that self defense is a last resort and only used when you are going to be injured and you cannot escape or get help. If you agree, we might be the training program you've been looking for.

Wake up call. Sunshine, rainbows, clever packaging and BULLY FREE ZONE signs don't solve the problem of fist meeting face. Denial and wishful thinking are not acceptable self defense options.

We're here to help when you're ready.

Yours for happier, healthier, safer kids,

John Nottingham

Bullying Prevention Specialist

NOTE: Since this is a brief blog article (rant really) the issues brought are addressed in more detail in our training programs. If you would like the answers to these and other questions please feel free to contact us at info@usa-martialarts.com

*http://www.wce.wwu.edu/Depts/SPED/Forms/Kens%20Readings/Violence/Bullying/Bul%20Effectiveness%20of%20whole%20school%20antibullying%20programs%20Smith%202004.pdf

How To Prevent Bullying Program Phoenix Partners With Bullying Prevention Initiative International

How to Prevent Bullying

The Arizona Bully Proof Project is a division of The Arizona Bullying Prevention initiative created by protection specialist John Nottingham.

The training and curriculum offer ways to prevent bullying, bullying facts, proven methods on how to stop bullying, effective ways to stop bullying, bullying statistics, tips on how to stop bullying, how to stop bullying for kids, and how to stop workplace bullying.

Courses and Topics:

• The ABC's of Conflict Avoidance
• The Bully Proof Vest Program
• The 5 Step Method of Handling a Bully Without Fighting
• How to Stop Bullying The Smart Way
• Turning Your Bully Into a Buddy
• How to Defeat a Bully Without Fighting

For more information about the Arizona Bully Proof Project or the Bully Prevention Initiative International contact:

Bully Proof Project

4731 E. Greenway Suite 9

Phoenix, Arizona 85032

602-896-8721 info@usa-martialarts.com

Halloween Trick or Treat Safety Tips

Halloween Trick or Treat Safety Tips

1. Never go alone

2. Carry a flashlight

3. Only approach homes you trust and that have a light on

4. Have parents check candy before you eat it

5. Be sure your costume is flame resistant

6. Stay on sidewalk

7. Don't cut across yards or driveways

8. Use reflective tape on costumes

9. Remember 911 can be called from any phone

10. ALWAYS take mask off before crossing street

Keep pets, especially cats, inside and bring in pumpkins/jack-o-lanterns after trick or treat hours.

Avoid potentially dangerous situations and practice safe habits. If you sense something is not right, go to a friend or neighbors house.

If you notice bullying, egging, paintball, pumpkin smashing or other dangerous behavior, get to a safe place immediately and report it.