Showing posts with label bullying prevention. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying prevention. Show all posts

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Grandma's Advice on How To Handle Life's Painful Times

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This


I read this story long ago and have used it in my lessons to inspire and encourage.  While I didn't write it, I hope that sharing it here will nourish your soul and encourage your heart.  - John Nottingham

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.


May we all be like the COFFEE.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

What To Do When Bullying Finds You - Bullying Defense Tips For Parents and Teachers

Feeling Bullied?
An opposite approach the the institutionally administered so called anti-bully movement.
Inside Out Instead of Top Down - Methods That ACTUALLY WORK!

What Do You Do When Bullying Finds You or Your Child?
Great question.  Among the myriad of self proclaimed experts and well intentioned amateurs offering advice it may be difficult to wade through the sea of responses and find what works for you or your child.

Parents and Teachers...

BULLYING FACTS:
  • Bullying is the most common form of violence in American society according to the National Association of School Psychologists.
  • Bullying affects 15 to 30 percent of students as either bullying child or the targets of bullying
  • Studies have shown that adults who were bullied as children have a much higher level of depression and lower self-esteem than those who were not.

1. Investigate.

Prescription without diagnosis can lead to increasing problems and complexity, exacerbating the problems rather than solving them.
Is the child teachable and capable of self help?  Perhaps guiding them through the process with options is the best course of action.  What are the roles of the teacher, administration, parents, friends and social climate?  What are the emotional and social skill levels of the individuals involved?
How can we work to improve resiliency factors, dignity and peace of mind of the child?
Above all, reassure the child that you believe them, will listen and help them make the situation better.

2. Separate facts from fiction and judgmental opinion.

Jumping to conclusions, labeling "bully" or demonizing are proven to be failed approaches.  Rather than label, seek first to understand the dynamics, history, individual dynamics and keep an open mind to the totality of reality and the contributing factors.
Use wisdom, compassion, empathy and reassurance without the blame game.  Responding with wisdom is more powerful and helpful than reacting with simple emotion.

3. Encourage empathy and dignity for all parties at every step.  

Avoid demonizing, labeling and other escalating behaviors.  Reassure the individuals that you understand the pain and acknowledge it.  However, try to help them understand that they are empowered with expanded points of view and that forgiveness has more power than revenge.   Anger is OK as long as it moves us in a more positive and helpful position.  Anger just needs to be directed in a productive direction.  It does not help to dwell on it for too long.
Focus on solutions and the desired outcome, rather than the past hurts and actions.  Revenge focuses on the past.  Peace is focuses on the future.  This doesn't mean to diminish the pain or injury, nor ignore it.  It simply means to address it appropriately and not let it hold you back.

4. Collaborate with teachers, counselors, and parents for a win-win solution.

Begin to look at the resources available and see everyone as on the same team of desiring a positive outcome.  Look for ways to make it a teachable moment and seek the best available long-term outcome.  An empowered child who feels happy and secure is much better than a child empowered with pseudo-celebrity from attention grabbing victim-hood.  Being a perpetual victim is not a wise life-choice.  We may not always be able to control what happens to us, however, wise and powerful individuals choose how they react to those circumstances.  Share true stories which exemplify overcoming odds and difficult situations while retaining dignity.

5. Educate, train and prepare the individual for the future.

When we see these conflicts as opportunities for teachable moments, we change the dynamics significantly.  Sometimes, children who demonstrate aggressive behaviors are at risk at home, abused or simply neglected.
Children who are passive, often believing they are being nice, have no idea that they are making themselves soft targets and positioned for repeated abuse, and not just with bullying.  Instead teach them how to choose the behaviors, body language, boundaries and actions of an assertive individual.  Offer peaceful solutions so they can make better choices.
If you must intervene, do so with the knowledge of the short and long term consequences.

http://www.amazon.com/Bullyproof-Unleash-Hero-Inside-Your/dp/0692522719/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1444160023&sr=1-1&keywords=bullyproof

Other Free Resources:
https://bullyingpreventionworld.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/mybullyproofvest?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International-240455266014141/timeline/
https://www.facebook.com/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project-195880673766509/timeline/

Friday, November 9, 2012

Bullying Prevention Made Easy With Verbal Judo Peace Process



Bullying Prevention Verbal Judo
Anti-Bullying Tactical Communication Tongue Fu!

A Peaceful Verbal Self Defense Approach from Martial Arts Wisdom and Law Enforcement Training

Greetings,

My name is John Nottingham from the Phoenix BullyProof Project.  You may recognize me from my news appearances for Nottingham Sword & Shield Security or my USA Martial Arts schools.  I've been doing bullying prevention work and teaching men, women and children how to protect themselves for over 27 years now.

A Novel Approach To Bullying Prevention
I've devoted my life to researching and teaching the best methods of personal protection, security and self defense (including bullying prevention).  Throughout that time I have studied with some of the greatest minds in the world on the subjects related to safety and security.

Bully Prevention | Anti-Bullying Verbal Defense 
Our PEACEFUL approach to bullying prevention has been incorporated into numerous Anti-Bully Programs, Bullying Prevention Presentations and curriculum.  We teach the use of INFLUENCE for Bully Prevention.  It is a pro-active approach that helps men, women and children generate voluntary compliance and redirect behavior with words.  This powerful method prevents situations from escalating and has even saved lives.  Maybe it will protect you or that of your child's someday as well.

These are just a few of the benefits you or your child will gain from learning Verbal Judo or Tactical Communication.

Our step-by-step program will teach you:

   •   Specific ways to identify what makes you angry and how to gain control over thoughts and emotions to make smarter and safer choices.

   •   Methods to intercept and respond to verbal attacks using proven tactics that preserve your dignity and respect.

   •   Key listening tools to understand why people use bullying behavior and what is really behind their words.

   •  You'll learn when, how and where to take action for the best outcome.

 John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest - How to Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard uses a proven method of thwarting bullying by equipping each individual with the social intelligence, anger management, and assertion competence to handle bullying situations with dignity, style and class.  You'll learn peaceful resolutions to conflicts and the proper way to handle bullying from hitting, pinching, tripping, rude remarks, online bullying to just about any cruel behavior!

To find the nearest authorized Bullying Prevention International, BullyProof Project or John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest representative, contact:
BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com
or visit online at
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International/240455266014141?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project/195880673766509?fref=ts
http://usa-martialarts.com


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Bullied Boy Transforms From Victim to Victor

Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative
The Phoenix Bullying Prevention Project
Zachary Jameson felt "tortured" from his bullying experience.  Although he attended a private school and his father is a Police Officer, this tween felt the world caving in on him.

Diagnosed with Juevenile Arthritis, kids at his Atlanta school made fun of his legs.  Initially his parents were dismissive of the teasing thinking it was only kids trying to be funny.  It wasn't funny to Zach because he was contemplating suicide.

However this story has a different ending than many we've been seeing in the news.  Zach had the courage to tell his parents what he was feeling, resulting in a chain of events that would change his life for the better.

We at BullyProofing Phoenix believe that Zach's story stands as an example of hope and inspiration to parents, teachers, schools and children.

While the politically motivated "anti-bully" movement marches on in failure with the divisive, punitive approach and demonize children as bullies, other bullying prevention methods continue to prove successful.

Note the elements of a successful intervention, an example of my 3 Shields Strategy, in which the child targeted with bullying gets therapy, the bullying child is addressed and the social environment is transformed.   For long term success, the mind, body and spirit must be addressed.  Amid the noise of sensationalized media headlines, tragic alarmism, BPII/PBPP aim to bring you hope, truth, and clarity to help resolve the causes of bullying.
God bless you Zach and thank you for having the courage to accept help, tell your parents, and not give up.  You may be targeted with bullying but you do not have to be a permanent victim of it.  We would encourage you to study martial arts and build confidence, inner strength and additional skills to feel empowered to handle the challenges of the future.  You're worth fighting for and we know your story can inspire hope in others suffering in silence.

If you are being bullied like Zach was and need help, we want to help.  Visit us on facebook or email us at info@usa-martialarts.com and we'll provide you with bodyguard tools to keep you safe and give you peace of mind.

Transforming Hearts and Minds With Peace Education
Empathy | Kindness | Compassion | Inner-Strength | Dignity 




Community Partners in Peace Education


Sunday, March 18, 2012

Bust a Bully - Use The 5 F's To Make Yourself Bully Proof

Bully Busters Anti-Bully
 Radio Interview http://Phoenix-MartialArts.com/blog


The 5 F's For Teens Fighting Back Against Bullying_____________
Five Techniques for How To Handle Bullying 
by John Nottingham, founder Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative -The Phoenix BullyProof Project | USAMartial Arts Phoenix 

Here are some fundamental skills and strategies for the initial stages of handling bullying or aggressively rude behavior.  How you handle the little things can sometimes go a long way in derailing future abuse and bullying targeting.

1. Friend
One of the most powerful ways to handle bullying is to master the art of making friends. Treat others the way you want to be treated, even when they may not be so nice.  The old saying goes, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."  This can be a great way to resolve issues with aggression in the early stages.  Of course, if it has gone beyond this level, you may have to resort to other options but making friends is a very powerful skill to thwart bullying.

Verbal Judo Comeback Line: "Whoah, stop. If a teacher hears you talking like that you'll be in a lot of trouble and I don't want to see that. So let's just be friends and chill." (Adapt to age appropriate vernacular and language you are comfortable with.)   
STOP BULLYING TIP:  Remember: it's not just what you say, it's how you say it so body language, tone and delivery are critical to making it work.  Stand tall, square shoulders, maintain direct eye contact, raise chin slightly and end with a smile.  Speak with a calm, confident tone as if you are a compassionate, powerful leader.
Be a friend and speak up for others as well.  Win more friends and they might also speak up for you when needed.  The person with the most friends usually wins.  Seek common ground and learn to respect differences and others right to his or her own opinion.

To fight fire, be water.  That doesn't mean it is your fault or that you are weaker. It means that peace in the long term is more important to you than winning a short term battle.  Kindness kills cruelty and bullying sometimes and should be a first line of defense.  Look for ways to earn respect, show your strengths and be helpful and understanding of others needs and goals.  At the same time, remember that nobody has the right to injure you.  Kindness does not mean weakness - instead it is a strength found in leaders and difference makers.  

2. Forget
Forget about reacting emotionally to bullying taunts or tests.  Most bullying behavior is just testing different people to see who reacts.  Be quick to forget insults, comments, flaws and issues.  Think of it as a trap and you don't have to take the bait.

If you can learn to forgive people and have empathy for them, it can go a long way in helping you think more clearly about your responses and the kind of person you want to be.  By not reacting emotionally to a situation, you can plan and even practice your responses to handle things better.  By starving the person of a reaction, you can very often stop ongoing bullying behavior.

Be quick to forget other people's rudeness and even cruel remarks.  Think of it as a gift that you do not have to receive.  "Thanks for the thought, but no thanks - I won't accept."  Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, even you. The most important opinion you have is the one about yourself.  


Forget about revenge because that usually makes things worse.  Instead be so busy working on improving yourself that you don't have time to worry about the other stuff as much.  
Forget feeling alone, helpless or forever stuck... that's a lie that will only hurt you.  Instead reach out for help and keep asking until you get it. You are worth it.

3. Forgive 
Have empathy for the other person and understand that we all make mistakes and do things we wish we hadn't.  If you can be quick to forgive and show kindness, it can go a long way in showing your inner strength and earning respect.  They may not like you, but when you can be a rock in a storm, it earns the respect of others.
Remember also that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself that facilitates healing and releases you from being stuck in the pain.  With forgiveness, you can begin to move forward intelligently.  It can really help to talk to a counselor or trusted advisory to do this work.  
Also remember that to forgive is not to forget.  Take the lessons you learned from the situation and apply it for future use. 

4. Funny
Humor is one of your most powerful allies.  A clever comeback line can win over a crowd, distract someone bullying and even help you make friends.  It is a power that most people admire and want to have.  Humor has the power to heal and help awkward situations.  Humor is a great tool that you can use by practicing bullying comeback lines.  Just make sure that the humor is not at the expense of the other person or you could make things worse.  The goal with using humor to combat bullying is to make it better.
Remember also to take your safety seriously but never yourself too seriously.  Learn to laugh at yourself a bit and celebrate what makes us all human in our shared experiences.  Showing you can laugh at yourself is also a sign of strength that others admire. It does not have to be at the expense of your dignity and can be quite disarming to bullying behavior.
Being funny is also a deflector that shifts bullying energy away from you and can buy you time to get help or get to safety.

5.  Frame
One of my favorite sayings is,"You may not be able to change the wind but you can adjust your sails."  Sometimes bad things happen.  When they do we are faced with a choice to let that define us in a negative way or turn it into something powerful and positive.  Be willing to get and accept the help you need to re-frame your experiences into lessons you can use. Maybe you can focus on what you are grateful for and how you can help others with what you learned.  Good things can come from bad situations if we choose to make it so.  
Anthony Robbins puts it this way, "“Fairness is an illusion. ... , “Some people are buried in an avalanche and others ski."  You give meaning to your life experiences through the stories that you tell yourself.   That doesn't make it all your fault or mean that you are alone, just the opposite, it is just one way to let you know you don't have to stay a victim of circumstances and you are worth fighting for.  It can get better and if you look hard enough, you'll find plenty of people willing to help you.

Sometimes middle school aged children and even grade school children can learn how to use some of these tools with the guidance of a caring counselor, parent, coach or mentor.  However, these concepts take a bit more maturity to grasp and implement so it depends on the individual and his or her development.

Visit Bullying Prevention Initiative International - Bullying Prevention World
Tag Cloud


For more help, ideas, strategies and techniques of bullying prevention join us online for free resources, research and discussion.

Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative The Phoenix Bully Proof Project FACEBOOK
Bully Proof Arizona BLOG
Bullying Prevention Initiative International FACEBOOK
Bullying Prevention World BLOG
For a free radio interview with Bully Busting tips click here

BullyProof camps, workshops and guides - email BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com for info.

Sponsored in part by:
Nottingham Sword & Shield Bodyguards
JohnNottingham.com

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Beat Bullies With Peaceful Martial Arts Moves


Phoenix Arizona Martial Arts Instructor John Nottingham is teaching his Karate Kids to Beat Bullying With Peaceful Martial Arts Moves.

Bullycide, Cyber-Bullying, Bully Revenge
The outcry has across the country and even around the world is about bullying.  The amount of attention bullying is receiving is unprecedented.  While school-wide programs are adopted and some clearly continue to fail students, a martial arts instructor and bodyguard trainer offers a different approach.

"When children are not given appropriate options, they resort to the only options they come up with....all too often horrific ones.  Instead, we advocate giving them peaceful martial arts moves to empower them to address bullying appropriately.  We have the moves and it can be taught.  The fears of increased liability are unfounded in my view.  in fact, it is just the opposite.  What is the liability socially, morally and legally for a child committing suicide or going on a school shooting rampage? What is the responsibility for a child going overboard and using excessive force on another child because they were pushed over the edge?  If we fail to read the signs, accept responsibility and reality, these are the consequences."

An Alternative Approach To Bullying Prevention
More and more research is coming in as schools implement bullying prevention programs.  The reviews are mixed but one thing John Nottingham can tell you is that he is seeing the kids and their parents who fall through the cracks and need practical help with bullying.

"I see the students and parents who schools have failed.  These parents are desperately seeking solid answers to their children's bullying problems.  We have answers that most schools simply fail to provide.", says Nottingham, founder of the Bullying Prevention Initiative International.

False Assumptions Lead to Failed Results in Stopping Bullying
Most schools operate under the false assumption that rules protect children.  While they certainly can help in the process of preventing bullying, policies and rules are only one aspect of the issue.  The real issue is the children and their self defense competence.

Bullying Fact: Over 85% of bullying goes unreported.

Here some things we do that are different about our bullying prevention methods:
How To Stop Bullying 
We address the full spectrum of self defense including:


  • How to avoid being selected as a bullying or crime target
  • Knowledge and warning signs of how  bullying behavior starts
  • How to avoid trouble spots, common bullying locations, set ups and recognize trouble behavior and situations
  • Actionable steps to divert a pathway to crime or bullying
  • Verbal Judo skills to thwart bullying or ward off an attack
  • Physical intervention options to peacefully resolve attacks without excessive force
  • The important elements of aftercare and protecting your body, mind and emotional health
  • The importance of speaking up for others and how to offer bullying first aid by being a friend, inclusive and showing empathy

  • "Which would you rather have.  Skills for children to know how to properly deter, discourage, or even pin and hold down a bully until help arrives or the alternative... becoming depressed and so desperate that they feel they have no alternative but to hurt themselves or go on a shooting spree.  We offer hope.  We can give them tools to get help and take positive action if needed that protects all children involved.  Physical intervention does not mean violence.  But it will if we don't provide them with alternatives.  We have to get past this ignorant, failed and ridiculous ideology.  Sometimes life calls for physical action options.  Better to know them and not need them, than need them and not know them." says Nottingham.

    Nottingham doesn't stop there.  His bullying prevention program also addresses:

    • Teacher Training and Parent Training to know how, when and what to listen for from children.  
    • Warning signs of bullying.  
    • How to know if it is continuing and why children will often conceal bullying.

    Maybe it is time to broaden our discussion and research on Bullying to include some more practical options. Nottingham says that peace is sometimes won in ways other than denial, abdication, posting signs, making more rules, laws, wishful thinking and reporting.

    To learn more about the Bullying Prevention Programs John endorses or his training organization and programs contact:


    Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative The Phoenix Bully Proof Project FACEBOOK
    Bully Proof Arizona BLOG
    Bullying Prevention Initiative International FACEBOOK
    Bullying Prevention World BLOG
    For a free radio interview with Bully Busting tips click here

    Sponsored in part by:
    Nottingham Sword & Shield Bodyguards

    Saturday, February 25, 2012

    Was Your Child Bullied Today? Bullying Help Here...




    Was Your Son or Daughter Bullied Today?
    The pain of being bullied can have terrible long term consequences.  You are not alone.  Bullying is a common problem many children as well as adults face.  Bullying takes place at school, work, and even online.  We work with parents and children who are experiencing bullying to help them prevent, prepare and protect themselves from bullying.  

    We have the answer:
    • Build Inner Strength
    • Know What To Say To Bullying
    • Know When To Act
    • Have Confidence To Stand Up, Speak Up and Stop Bullying
    • Have Peace of Mind

    BULLYING INFO AND STATISTICS


    Listen to Our Director and Founder
    John Nottingham Discuss the Anti-Bully Program on the
    Outreach Today Radio Show

    Bullying Prevention Resources and Links

    Bullying Prevention Initiative International Facebook

    Bullying Prevention World 

    The Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative Phoenix Bully Proof Project 
    Bully Proofing Arizona




    Sunday, January 29, 2012

    Could The Golden Rule Be The Ancient Answer To Modern Bullying Prevention?


    Could The Golden Rule Be The Ancient Answer To Modern Bullying Prevention?
    The Ethic of Reciprocity, Empathy, Compassion and Love To Resolve Bullying

    There are proponents of using "The Golden Rule" as the best way to defeat bullying.  But is it the best way to handle bullying for you or your child?

    Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated for Bullying?
    Based on several of the world's religions and even a secular point of view, perhaps the one most Westerners are familiar with is the Judeo-Christian lesson from the Bible.  King James version in Matthew 7:12 is perhaps the best known version stating,

    "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."
    According to Wikipedia, "The maxim of the "golden rule" is exemplified in many Christian stories, such as the Parable of the Good Samaritan, which are unadorned replications of the JewishTorah: "Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD."(Leviticus 19:18 —NJPS)[1]"
    Bullying Prevention With A Spiritual Solution
    Implicitly as well as explicitly taught in most families and neighborhoods in America is the idea of treating others the way you would like to be treated.  Several character development, respect and tolerance programs also promote these values of social etiquette.

    Defeat Bullying With Love?
    As protection specialists, our approach is more comprehensive than most.  With a bit of research you will discover many bullying prevention proponents taking one particular approach and applying it to all bullying situations.  While we acknowledge the value of addressing bullying with kindness as one approach, we would argue that it is incomplete.  This is tantamount to offering prescription without diagnosis as each bullying situation has it's own dynamics, factors and therefore risks.
    "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself." – Confucius[15]
    Feels Good But Might Be Wrong For This Bullying Situation
    While this approach may be the recommended strategy in some situations (and a good one), it is not a one size fits all solution.  In certain circumstances, this advice might be dangerous.  If the bullying has already escalated and kindness has failed, perhaps to the point where your son or daughter is being abused, your child may not be able to wait for kindness and love to resolve the situation.  Keep in mind that children can be sociopaths too.

    In Dr. George Thompson's teachings, founder of VERBAL JUDO, preserving the individuals dignity is at the cornerstone of seeking a peaceful, cooperative resolution.  Evidence confirms that this can be an effective tool in peaceful negotiations.

    Equipping Children By Guiding Them Through Bullying Situations
    Giving the bullying problem back to the child so that they can develop some social skills, personal boundary and safety education can be powerful if done properly and carefully.  However, some situations call for immediate intervention and we should not expect some children, especially very young ones to have the wisdom, threat assessment and maturity skills to handle it alone.  Resolving it for them may also not be the answer and that is why it is important to be trained on such matters and work together with parents, teachers, coaches and approach the situation with wisdom.

    We don't want to risk creating a permanent victim and easy target.  While life is risk, the partnership advocacy approach prevents unnecessary risks and has lasting benefits in equipping the intended target of bullying to better manage future aggressive behavior.

    It is for this reason that we advocate involving parents, teachers and counselors to offer insight, wisdom and a more dispassionate and objective point of view.

    The Golden Rule is One Strategy, But Not The Only Bullying Prevention Approach
    The Golden Rule is one of the approaches that we advocate, however we must be careful to apply the right approach to the situation.  Each bullying situation is unique and should be treated with temperance, care and a centered calm.  Context, or the unique situation always determines the defense or approach to resolving the issue.  An assessment and clearly defining your desired outcome is the starting point.  Just be cautious not to paint with overly broad strokes, especially when it comes to children's safety.


    For more information on Bullying Prevention, Speaking or Bullying Prevention Events
    Contact info@usa-martialarts.com or call 602-896-8721 

    http://USA-MartialArts.com USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix AZ
    Facebook Arizona Bullying Prevention Project
    Webspecial Children's Martial Arts Bullying Preventionhttp://KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com

    Sunday, December 18, 2011

    Bully Proofing Your Child



    Bully Proofing Your Child
    The Founder of the Bullying Prevention Program Called Bully-Proof Vest 5 Step Method of Handling Bullying Without Fighting Shares Secrets to Help Parents and Teachers Protect Children from Bullying in Phoenix AZ

    Bully Proofing Your Child starts with some simple but often overlooked or under-emphasized steps. Having taught thousands of children and adults steps to effectively handle bullying behavior over the past 26 years I've been able to learn quite a few practical lessons.

    • How to handle aggressive behavior
    • Developing self-awareness
    • Encouraging empathy
    • Verbal Judo Martial Arts for the Mouth
    • Overcoming worry, fear and anxiety
    Some of the same skills we teach at my bodyguard/security training events are directly applicable to these situations. However, we have to consider the audience and the age-appropriate learning methodology.

    I'm able to meet thousands of parents and children each year and have had the opportunity to analyze the behavior of children, their parents and notice what works... more importantly when it comes to handling bullying, what doesn't.

    1. It begins with the relationship from the parent or teacher to the child. The child needs to feel that it is OK to talk to you about difficult or troubling subjects. The lines of communication need to always remain open. Children need to know they can trust their parents to not to over-react to what they tell you and that they will be believed. I always tell parents, trust but verify. But the child should see that you choose to trust them first and will then tactfully verify. It is important to preserve the bond of trust and the dignity of the child. It is important to treat all safety concerns with a calm and sincere effort.
    2. Setting an example how to deal with aggressive or abusive behavior. Children will follow their role models and often replicate what they see. How they experience and witness the parent handing aggressive behavior will usually result in them doing the same. Think of these moments as teachable times where you can show how self control, putting something in context and treating others appropriately is important. Simply taking a moment to use an anger management technique could be powerful. If you cut off in traffic, rather than lashing out in anger, using threats or rude gestures, take a deep breath, count to ten and use your words to redirect your emotions and behavior. "Wow, I need to take a breath, count to ten and take some cool down time." You are then teaching your child how to use these techniques and can use this example when they face frustrating challenges. This sets the stage for staying calm in the face of a bullying situation and creating some emotional separation to think more clearly.
    3. Building strong social skills are critical for bully proofing your child. Simply teaching them how to make eye contact, shake hands firmly, do introductions and initiate conversations help build confidence and bullying prevention skills. Additionally, your child will feel more comfortable trying to confront the problem with words or access help by involving adults. Children with higher social intelligence and more advanced social skills are less likely to be selected as the target of bullying. This is why it is important to help your child develop self awareness and empathy.
    4. Testing and guiding social intelligence. One simple test that I advise parents to give their child is simply to observe them introducing themselves to a group or social situation. Notice how they shy away, or work their way into a group. Note their body language, tone, word choice. You can encourage improvement in all of these areas if necessary. You can also watch how your child demonstrates problem solving skills. Often when a child reverts to bullying, they are demonstrating a lack of alternative social skills. By providing them with other options, they can develop more responsible methods of getting what they want. This can go a long way in teaching your child how to prevent and manage aggressive behavior, abuse and bullying situations.
    5. Imparting and reinforcing strong safety skills. Teaching safety skills should be a natural part of growing up. Reinforcing them is a matter of taking advantage of teachable moments just as you would teaching a child to hold your hand and look both ways before crossing a street. Just like wearing a seat belt, bullying and abduction safety habits can be introduced in a non-threatening manner as to not cause undo anxiety or worry. Role playing is another great way of reinforcing these lessons and, with a bit of creativity, can be a fun way of boding with a child.
    6. Encouraging integrity, character and doing the right thing are ways to build a positive self concept and self respect. These go a long way in building inner strength. You can notice children who carry themselves with dignity and confidence. They project an inner strength that comes from the respect they have for themselves. Respect begins with one's self and in the home. Additionally, a child who has a strong sense of values and self is far more likely to speak up to help defend someone else. Children can learn to be a good friend, include others, and thwart bullying by speaking up when they see wrong. Isn't that the world we all want to live in? In my Nottingham's KNIGHTS program, we encourage a hero culture (as opposed to the victim culture) and celebrate courage, honor, standing up for the weak. Our goal is to have the strong be confident and courageous in defending others who may not have the ability to do so. Reports show that over 85% of bullying happens away from teachers and adults. Encouraging character, integrity and a hero culture helps redirect and reduce bullying incidences in social situations when adults may not be present.
    These are integral lessons reinforced in most martial arts schools. In my USA Martial Arts school in Phoenix, these are not only encouraged, but required. Students earn patches, stickers, and advance in martial arts belt rank based on displaying consistent positive choices, good habits, social as well as leadership skills and safety skills.

    But you don't need a professional martial arts instructor and bodyguard trainer to help your child learn these things. It can begin at home or school with simple encouragement and consistent reinforcement over time.


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    Saturday, April 16, 2011

    Addressing School Violence, Bullying Prevention Training Program

    ADDRESSING SCHOOL VIOLENCE, BULLYING PREVENTION TRAINING PROGRAM
    How To Prevent Bullying, prevent bullying Beat Bullying, Bullying prevention, how to stop bullying, prevent bullying, stop bullying

    Bullying in schools, and violence for that matter are nothing new. However recently it has become much more visible and far reaching due to technology such as the internet and mobile media like texting.

    The topic is so popular a recent white house summit was called to address bullying in schools.http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2011/03/10/background-white-house-conference-bullying-prevention

    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
    School Violence – Bullying Related Statistics
    • Nearly one in five students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying in some way. The rest of the students, called bystanders, are also affected by the bullying. - Olweus Bullying Research
    • Bullying affects 5 million school children in U.S.
    • Some research suggests that over 100,000 children carry a gun to school "for protection" each year.


    According to the Center for Disease Control:
    • Bullying is the #1 cause of school children's absenteeism in the U.S.A.
    • Bullying has been linked to higher rates of teen depression and suicide.

    Every day, 160,000 students skip school because they fear being bullied, according to the PACER Center, a parent training and information center for families of children. According to the National Association of School Psychologists,
    • 1 in 7 schoolchildren is a bully or victim
    • Bullying affects 5 million school children in U.S.


    How to Stop School Violence – Bullying Prevention Tips
    • How To Easily Spot and Read The Bully.
    • How To Defeat The Bully WITHOUT Violence.
    • The Secret Word That Always Stops The Bully In His Tracks
    • The Little Known Strategies For Dealing With Mental Bullying
    • How To Deal With a Bully - In The Real World!
    • How To Put On Your Bully Proof Vest!
    • Much Much More


    If You Are Being Bullied
    • Breathe slowly from your lower belly. Observe who is around, potential escape routes, barriers, obstacles you could use. • Be objective. Try to separate your feelings from the situation and treat it like you're a hero helping somebody out of a bad situation. • Tell the bully exactly what you want. "Stop picking on me." • If you can walk away, think about walking towards safety not away from the bully. For example, walk towards a classroom where you can see a teacher or group of friends that you trust. If you are in a park, immediately walk towards a group of adults or a coach. • Avoid fighting - just refuse. Don't make threats or promises because it can make things worse with the bullying.

    To stop school violence it takes a collective effort and training. When this happens, a fundamental shift takes place in everyones thinking. It creates a new school culture that has mechanisms for reporting, processing and taking strategic action. Preventative measures are far more potent than reactive measures once an incident has already happened. Bullying prevention training is a great way of initiating a school violence prevention program.
    You can learn how to effectively handle bullying behavior. The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - Bully Prevention Project works with a team of dedicated specialists to help bully-proof and victim-target proof Arizona Children.

    Arizona Bully Intervention Initiative
    Bully Prevention Project
    Nottingham Sword & Shield Security & USA Martial Arts Phoenix
    4731 E. Greenway Road Suite 9-10
    Phoenix, Arizona 85032
    Telephone (602) 896-8721
    http://USA-MartialArts.com
    http://ScottsdaleBodyguard.com

    (ARIZONA BULLYING PREVENTION)- LAW ENFORCEMENT, MILITARY AND BODYGUARD TRAINER JOHN NOTTINGHAM HAS DECIDED TO INCORPORATE MARTIAL ARTS INTO THE SCHOOL SAFETY PROGRAM FOR ELEMENTARY, MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. CHILDREN ARE TAUGHT SELF-DEFENSE STRATEGIES, AS WELL AS CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS IN THE CLASS. READ THE BLOG ARTICLE BELOW TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS BULLYING PREVENTION INITIATIVE.



    Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - The AZ Bullying Prevention Project is
    dedicated to improving the education and training of bullying dynamics and to
    reducing and resolving conflicts peacefully. Furthermore we work to provide
    parents and children the peace-of-mind that comes from feeling prepared to
    effectively deal with situations which may lead to abuse or violence.


    BULLY PROOF VEST &
    THE ABC's OF CONFLICT AVOIDANCE
    The only research based model by professional protectors that teaches strategies to parents, teachers and children on how to effectively handle situations which may lead to abuse.

    This highly effective 5 Step Bully Proofing program is the result of over 25 years of helping thousands of boys, girls, men and women to successfully deal with bullying behavior. Emphasizing a conflict avoidance approach this program trains companies, teachers, parents and how to prevent, avoid and reduce bullying incidents using verbal judo, conflict management strategies, psychology and bodyguard tactics.
    These entertaining and informative presentations are made available to children, schools, corporations, churches and organizations as part of Nottingham Sword & Shield Security and USA Martial Arts Phoenix community outreach programs. To book one of our confidence inspiring Security and Safety "Bully Proof" experts and learn how to integrate our 5 step conflict avoidance bodyguard protective strategies contact:
    Bully Proof Phoenix
    4731 E. Greenway Suite 9
    Phoenix, AZ 85032
    info@usa-martialarts.com or call 602-96-8721.

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