Anti-Bullying VS Bullying Prevention - The Important Difference Nobody is Talking About

Being targeted for bullying stinks.

For those of us who know the pain of the repeated teasing, taunting, exclusion and cruelty, it is something we cannot easily forget.  However, there is hope.  My organization has been successfully teaching men, women and children how to handle bullying for nearly 30 years in practical ways.  But this doesn't happen if you accept the myths, distortions and misguided approach of the current anti-bully movement.

The current media hyped anti-bullying approach is failing.  It fails students, teachers and worse, the vulnerable among us who need the most help.  Every major study continues to show the failed process and policies, yet they continue.  FACT: The anti-bullying approach fails.  Peace education with character and leadership development works again and again.

You have probably seen the school rallies, anti-bully posters in hallways and the witch hunt of finding, reporting and punishing all "bullies". Your children most likely have already been exposed to this ideology.

Why Does The Anti Bullying Movement Fail?
1. It's a circular blame game.  Students blame students, parents blame teachers, teachers blame parents, then eventually,  the administration.  This can and has led to nasty legal disputes and costly litigation.  The finger pointing is endless, despite the good intentions.

2. The very definition of bullying continually changes.  To date, there exists no standardized definition for bullying.  Every self proclaimed expert and presenter has his or her own definition.  However, bullying is not a clinical diagnosis, rather, it is a social label.   How can we teach children that name calling is wrong and yet label people (children) bullies?

Furthermore the definition has expanded to be so broad that it makes diagnosis problematic and an ever increasing host of victims.   (A common tactic for those who would profit from promoting such ideas.) This has led to such alarmist fear mongering as "bullying epidemic" and "bully-cide", none of which are scientific.

3. The anti-bully movement is a punitive process, not a peace process.  The very method seeks to vilify certain individuals, usually without any due investigation nor consideration.  It lacks wisdom, intelligence and is rooted in revenge, rather than education.  Revenge is a nasty business that harms on many levels.  Much evil has been done in this world in the name of rationalized revenge.

4. The anti-bully movement promotes victim culture.  Rather than offering specific steps on how to create peace, virtually every anti-bullying recommendation escalates a situation.  Not only does this create more and increasingly complex problems, it harms, rather than protects, those involved.  For even if they are spared from this one incident of bullying, they are left ill equipped for others in the future.  The only recourse they are given is to tell.  This is no solution - it is an escalating ignition point.  Additionally, if you create heroes out of victims,  you will get more of them.

5. The anti-bully movement promotes division with the very people who could facilitate positive change.  The anti-bullying movement does not build bridges, compassion, understanding and peace - instead it uses tactics that are punitive and usually augment the problems.  A movement motivated by anger and hate is not one we can perpetuate if we want peace and respectful protection for all.

6. The anti-bully movement takes away individuals dignity.  From the accused to the accuser, they are sucked into a vortex of overly sweeping policies and the individual is quickly forgotten as the self proclaimed crusaders helicopter into action.  The targeted child can often receive the unintended message that they are incapable of problem solving, protecting themselves or being resourceful. When a child is labeled a tattle tale, it can equate to a social death that they have to live with on a day to day basis.

7.  It is too easy to abuse.  Socially intelligent children are often the ones exhibiting aggressive behavior.  Once they pick up on these policies they learn that they can claim victim status, tell on another student and bully by proxy.  They simply get the adults to do their dirty work through manipulation of these labels and policies.

8.  The anti-bullying movement also demonizes bystanders and sweeps them into a guilty verdict without allowing for any other personal choices.  Now if a child see an incident and does nothing,  he or she is as guilty as the offending "bully".  This process turns children on one another, becoming like a Police state, where suspicion and accusation are the rule of law.  Hitler Youth anyone?

9.  The anti-bullying movement promotes alarmism and a culture of fear surrounding normal childhood aggression.  This in turn causes many to rush to judgment and limits our ability to resolve the real underlying problems and help the ones who need sound adult wisdom the most.

10.  One look at the bullying statistics and any critical thinker will be confused by such wildly inconsistent data and distortions in the name of science.  It is anything but science, especially when you read the manipulative surveys and tactics used to collect the information.

In sharp contrast... 

John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest Bullying prevention education is entirely the opposite of the so called anti-bullying approach.

It is pro-active rather than simply reactive, creating a culture of peace, responsibility, respect, resourcefulness, empowerment, and self esteem.

Bully Proof  training is careful about the language and assumptions it uses for understanding conflict, aggression and a full spectrum of behaviors. It therefore protects the dignity and reputation of all involved with a more patient, balanced and caring approach to children.

BullyProof training approaches children with a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset and labeling approach.  It equips children with skills and tools to contextualize aggression, bad behavior and offers functional solutions to effectively resolve it.  Children are taught that building bridges is more powerful than revenge and damning labels.

BullyProof training operates on a peace process that works to create a cooperative, respectful culture and safe space for students to learn, speak freely and respect others opinions and ideals (even to disagree).

BullyProof empowers children to be resourceful problem solvers and build self esteem and empowerment through peace education and training.

If you would like to learn more about our BullyProof Vest peace process, verbal judo, and self defense empowerment approach, contact us at

http://usa-martialarts.com

Bullying Statistics, Solutions, Best Practices
The Phoenix BullyProof Project
Bullying Prevention Initiative International
Arizona Bullying Prevention Project

Partners in Education
Break The Chain of Child Abuse Foundation
The Black Belt Society
USA Martial Arts Phoenix
Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards

The Arizona Bully Project – A Bully Proof Educational Initiative
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
Email info@usa-martialarts.com
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
Facebook Arizona Bully Education Project

Cyberbullying Tips For Protecting Kids

Cyberbullying Defense and Protection Tips - 

Online Bully?  Here's Some Help

Online Bullying

"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones.

Not all bullying happens in person.  Increasingly it takes place online, emails, by texting and other means.  Cyberbullying, social media bullying, or online bullying, can be dealt with using some simple tips.   Here are some things you can do to protect yourself or your kids while online.  

• Discuss the repercussions, consequences (even unintended) and safety issues about media, computer, phone texting and other app use prior to ever being allowed to use it. Parents, keep in mind that although you may not allow your children a phone or monitor online activity, they will have access to it through friends and other sources. Better trained and prepared for what can happen rather than operate under the assumption that they do not have access. 
• Think twice before you post. If it cannot be forwarded, then it should not be posted. Just think of everything online or by phone as public and shared. Consider also how embarrassing it might be used or manipulated to hurt others.
• Keep passwords secret from other kids and change them often.  Parents should always have children's passwords as a matter of practical safety for themselves and others.
• Consider whom might see your online posts or messages.  Strangers? Friends of friends? Understand and maximize privacy settings to add an additional layer of security.
• Parents must be kept in the loop.  Media and online time are privileges that come with serious safety considerations.  Kids, remember that your parents care about you and want to keep you safe.  Parents, remember to nurture your child's trust by having open communication about tough issues.
• When in doubt - don't.  
• Talk to an adult about any messages that make you feel upset or you might be concerned about.  If it is abuse, harassment, rude or cyber bullying, report it immediately.

Three Steps To Prevent Online Bullying

1. Stop responding no matter how provoking.  Don't take the bait.

2. Block, unfriend, disconnect from the person so that you no longer engage them.

3. Document and report the abuse if you need to pursue it.

Don't write it, participate in in, and do not forward it.  Be the hero.

For more information on online bullying (cyberbullying) or bullying prevention help.

Online Bully?  Here's Some Help

Sources

Accredited 

Practical Bully Prevention and Victim Proof Training

“How To Make Sure Your Child Doesn't Get Bullied, Harassed, Teased or Picked On.”

March 13, 2011

How To Protect Yourself From Bullying – Unconventional Bullying Advice

http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/

Former Soldier, Bodyguard Trainer and Martial Arts Master Shares His 5 Step Program That Will Boost Your Child’s Confidence, Instill Inner-Strength, a Positive Attitude & Arm Them the Practical Tools to Protect Themselves from Bullying, Harassment and Teasing

Dear Arizona Parent:

Did You Know:

• Bullying is the #1 cause of school children’s absenteeism in the U.S.A.
• Bullying has been linked to higher rates of teen depression and suicide.
• Rigby (2002), who is a respected researcher on the topic of bullying, nationally and internationally, states:
• “Bullying involves a desire to hurt + hurtful action + a power imbalance + (typically) repetition + an unjust use of power + evident enjoyment by the aggressor and generally a sense of being oppressed on the part of the victim.” (p 51)
• Every day, 160,000 students skip school because they fear being bullied, according to the PACER Center, a parent training and information center for families of children. According to the National Association of School Psychologists,
• 1 in 7 schoolchildren is a bully or victim
• Bullying affects 5 million school children in U.S.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Do I know the techniques, tools and strategies to help my child confront today’s bullying dangers?
Don’t worry – there IS a solution – but before I get to it, let me tell you a story about a boy who was the target of a bully and how it changed his life forever…

SKINNY, UN-ATHLETIC ASTHMATIC
KID TORMENTED BY A BULLY

• His father told him to punch the bully right in the nose to “teach him a lesson”.
• His mother told him to just walk away.
• His teachers never knew about it because the bullying took place out of their sight, and often off school grounds, on the way to or from school.

He didn’t want to tell on the bullying kid because he would feel weak, like a sissy, only inviting more trouble.

He was afraid of getting in trouble for fighting, calling attention to his problem. But far more than that was the pain of keeping the secret. The secret was that he was scared, frustrated and felt trapped. That anger turned inward turned into feeling depressed as the bullying kept up over time.

But that all changed. He found a way:
• To stand tall, walk proud and keep his dignity
• Stand up to the bully
• To defeat a bully without fighting

In fact, he earned the respect of the bully and his classmates
Most importantly, he felt better about himself
Plus he used the lesson many more times in the future

BY STANDING UP TO THE BULLYING, HE WON SELF-RESPECT AND HIS NEW POWER HELPED HIM HELP OTHERS

Yes, as you probably guessed, that boy was me. Today I use those experiences to relate to other kids facing bullying in their lives. You see, I’ve helped thousands of children find their inner strength, their voice and successfully learn how to deal with bullying, conflicts and the most dangerous situations.

My name is John Nottingham and I am a 6th Degree Black Belt in the Martial Arts. I’ve trained in China, Korea and all over the world with some of the best of the best. I was in the Army Airborne and taught some of the roughest, toughest heroes in the world hand-to-hand, hand-to-weapon military combatives while serving in a Special Forces reserve unit.

Today I own a Executive Bodyguard Security and Training Company, and an award winning Martial Arts school. Over the past twenty five plus years, I have helped thousands of people from all walks of life discover their inner strength and stand up for themselves in every aspect of their lives.

From children who were getting tormented school to women feeling trapped in unhealthy relationships; from employees being mistreated by their bosses to Police and Security who have to use their skills daily on the streets. Not standing up for yourself from bullying can be just like a toxin that attacks your self concept and destroys dreams, hope and goals from the inside out.

THERE IS HOPE! I CAN HELP

I’ve developed a 5 step program to help you:
1. Build your child’s self esteem
2. Learn to handle unfair aggression
3. Flip the balance of power
4. Learn what to say and do and when to do it
5. Know how to spot a “bullying set up” well in advance so you can avoid it

VICTIM AND BULLY PROOFING

This unique method is not one of those ineffective “Ivory Tower” programs you’ll see from educational institutions. The schools that have had us there see the results because it works. Our Bullying Prevention Program isn’t theory or idealistic wishes. We give you hard-hitting tools, some of them the same strategies we teach to bodyguards who protect VIPs and celebrities! We’ll we think you are a VIP and are worth protecting.

To cut through the bullying dilema The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative – AZ Children’s Bully Prevention Project is working with Nottingham Sword and Shield Security and USA Martial Arts Phoenix to offer a series of bullying solutions – Victim-Bully Proof Workshops. Free Bully Prevention “5 Step How to Handle a Bully Without Fighting” training is being sponsored FREE to all Arizona Children.

What: How to Handle a Bully Without Fighting
When: 5-6pm Wednesdays during the month of March
Where: at USA Martial Arts Phoenix Tatum/Greenway Albertsons center
How much: Fully sponsored by Nottingham Sword & Shield Security, ScottsdaleBodyguard.com, KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com and USA Martial Arts Phoenix
How: Contact info@usa-martialarts.com or call (602) 896-8721 to register. Limited space available.

BULLY PROOF VEST by John Nottingham, USA Martial Arts, The Arizona Bullying Prevention Project.

The only bullying prevention program designed by protection professionals.

The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative | AZ Bully Prevention Projecthttp://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
4731 e. Greenway road suite 9 phoenix, arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
USA Martial Arts Phoenix
Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards