What To Do When Bullying Finds You - Bullying Defense Tips For Parents and Teachers

Feeling Bullied?
An opposite approach the the institutionally administered so called anti-bully movement.
Inside Out Instead of Top Down - Methods That ACTUALLY WORK!

What Do You Do When Bullying Finds You or Your Child?
Great question.  Among the myriad of self proclaimed experts and well intentioned amateurs offering advice it may be difficult to wade through the sea of responses and find what works for you or your child.

Parents and Teachers...

BULLYING FACTS:

• Bullying is the most common form of violence in American society according to the National Association of School Psychologists.
• Bullying affects 15 to 30 percent of students as either bullying child or the targets of bullying
• Studies have shown that adults who were bullied as children have a much higher level of depression and lower self-esteem than those who were not.

1. Investigate.

Prescription without diagnosis can lead to increasing problems and complexity, exacerbating the problems rather than solving them.
Is the child teachable and capable of self help?  Perhaps guiding them through the process with options is the best course of action.  What are the roles of the teacher, administration, parents, friends and social climate?  What are the emotional and social skill levels of the individuals involved?
How can we work to improve resiliency factors, dignity and peace of mind of the child?
Above all, reassure the child that you believe them, will listen and help them make the situation better.

2. Separate facts from fiction and judgmental opinion.

Jumping to conclusions, labeling "bully" or demonizing are proven to be failed approaches.  Rather than label, seek first to understand the dynamics, history, individual dynamics and keep an open mind to the totality of reality and the contributing factors.
Use wisdom, compassion, empathy and reassurance without the blame game.  Responding with wisdom is more powerful and helpful than reacting with simple emotion.

3. Encourage empathy and dignity for all parties at every step.  

Avoid demonizing, labeling and other escalating behaviors.  Reassure the individuals that you understand the pain and acknowledge it.  However, try to help them understand that they are empowered with expanded points of view and that forgiveness has more power than revenge.   Anger is OK as long as it moves us in a more positive and helpful position.  Anger just needs to be directed in a productive direction.  It does not help to dwell on it for too long.
Focus on solutions and the desired outcome, rather than the past hurts and actions.  Revenge focuses on the past.  Peace is focuses on the future.  This doesn't mean to diminish the pain or injury, nor ignore it.  It simply means to address it appropriately and not let it hold you back.

4. Collaborate with teachers, counselors, and parents for a win-win solution.

Begin to look at the resources available and see everyone as on the same team of desiring a positive outcome.  Look for ways to make it a teachable moment and seek the best available long-term outcome.  An empowered child who feels happy and secure is much better than a child empowered with pseudo-celebrity from attention grabbing victim-hood.  Being a perpetual victim is not a wise life-choice.  We may not always be able to control what happens to us, however, wise and powerful individuals choose how they react to those circumstances.  Share true stories which exemplify overcoming odds and difficult situations while retaining dignity.

5. Educate, train and prepare the individual for the future.

When we see these conflicts as opportunities for teachable moments, we change the dynamics significantly.  Sometimes, children who demonstrate aggressive behaviors are at risk at home, abused or simply neglected.
Children who are passive, often believing they are being nice, have no idea that they are making themselves soft targets and positioned for repeated abuse, and not just with bullying.  Instead teach them how to choose the behaviors, body language, boundaries and actions of an assertive individual.  Offer peaceful solutions so they can make better choices.
If you must intervene, do so with the knowledge of the short and long term consequences.

http://www.amazon.com/Bullyproof-Unleash-Hero-Inside-Your/dp/0692522719/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1444160023&sr=1-1&keywords=bullyproof

Other Free Resources:
https://bullyingpreventionworld.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/mybullyproofvest?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International-240455266014141/timeline/
https://www.facebook.com/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project-195880673766509/timeline/

Bullying Prevention Made Easy With Verbal Judo Peace Process

Bullying Prevention Verbal Judo
Anti-Bullying Tactical Communication Tongue Fu!

A Peaceful Verbal Self Defense Approach from Martial Arts Wisdom and Law Enforcement Training

Greetings,

My name is John Nottingham from the Phoenix BullyProof Project.  You may recognize me from my news appearances for Nottingham Sword & Shield Security or my USA Martial Arts schools.  I've been doing bullying prevention work and teaching men, women and children how to protect themselves for over 27 years now.

A Novel Approach To Bullying Prevention
I've devoted my life to researching and teaching the best methods of personal protection, security and self defense (including bullying prevention).  Throughout that time I have studied with some of the greatest minds in the world on the subjects related to safety and security.

Bully Prevention | Anti-Bullying Verbal Defense 
Our PEACEFUL approach to bullying prevention has been incorporated into numerous Anti-Bully Programs, Bullying Prevention Presentations and curriculum.  We teach the use of INFLUENCE for Bully Prevention.  It is a pro-active approach that helps men, women and children generate voluntary compliance and redirect behavior with words.  This powerful method prevents situations from escalating and has even saved lives.  Maybe it will protect you or that of your child's someday as well.

These are just a few of the benefits you or your child will gain from learning Verbal Judo or Tactical Communication.

Our step-by-step program will teach you:

   •   Specific ways to identify what makes you angry and how to gain control over thoughts and emotions to make smarter and safer choices.

   •   Methods to intercept and respond to verbal attacks using proven tactics that preserve your dignity and respect.

   •   Key listening tools to understand why people use bullying behavior and what is really behind their words.

   •  You'll learn when, how and where to take action for the best outcome.

 John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest - How to Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard uses a proven method of thwarting bullying by equipping each individual with the social intelligence, anger management, and assertion competence to handle bullying situations with dignity, style and class.  You'll learn peaceful resolutions to conflicts and the proper way to handle bullying from hitting, pinching, tripping, rude remarks, online bullying to just about any cruel behavior!

To find the nearest authorized Bullying Prevention International, BullyProof Project or John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest representative, contact:
BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com
or visit online at
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International/240455266014141?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project/195880673766509?fref=ts
http://usa-martialarts.com

Bust a Bully - Use The 5 F's To Make Yourself Bully Proof

Bully Busters Anti-Bully
 Radio Interview http://Phoenix-MartialArts.com/blog

The 5 F's For Teens Fighting Back Against Bullying_____________
Five Techniques for How To Handle Bullying 
by John Nottingham, founder Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative -The Phoenix BullyProof Project | USAMartial Arts Phoenix 

Here are some fundamental skills and strategies for the initial stages of handling bullying or aggressively rude behavior.  How you handle the little things can sometimes go a long way in derailing future abuse and bullying targeting.

1. Friend

One of the most powerful ways to handle bullying is to master the art of making friends. Treat others the way you want to be treated, even when they may not be so nice.  The old saying goes, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."  This can be a great way to resolve issues with aggression in the early stages.  Of course, if it has gone beyond this level, you may have to resort to other options but making friends is a very powerful skill to thwart bullying.

Verbal Judo Comeback Line: "Whoah, stop. If a teacher hears you talking like that you'll be in a lot of trouble and I don't want to see that. So let's just be friends and chill." (Adapt to age appropriate vernacular and language you are comfortable with.)   

STOP BULLYING TIP:  Remember: it's not just what you say, it's how you say it so body language, tone and delivery are critical to making it work.  Stand tall, square shoulders, maintain direct eye contact, raise chin slightly and end with a smile.  Speak with a calm, confident tone as if you are a compassionate, powerful leader.

Be a friend and speak up for others as well.  Win more friends and they might also speak up for you when needed.  The person with the most friends usually wins.  Seek common ground and learn to respect differences and others right to his or her own opinion.

To fight fire, be water.  That doesn't mean it is your fault or that you are weaker. It means that peace in the long term is more important to you than winning a short term battle.  Kindness kills cruelty and bullying sometimes and should be a first line of defense.  Look for ways to earn respect, show your strengths and be helpful and understanding of others needs and goals.  At the same time, remember that nobody has the right to injure you.  Kindness does not mean weakness - instead it is a strength found in leaders and difference makers.  

2. Forget

Forget about reacting emotionally to bullying taunts or tests.  Most bullying behavior is just testing different people to see who reacts.  Be quick to forget insults, comments, flaws and issues.  Think of it as a trap and you don't have to take the bait.

If you can learn to forgive people and have empathy for them, it can go a long way in helping you think more clearly about your responses and the kind of person you want to be.  By not reacting emotionally to a situation, you can plan and even practice your responses to handle things better.  By starving the person of a reaction, you can very often stop ongoing bullying behavior.

Be quick to forget other people's rudeness and even cruel remarks.  Think of it as a gift that you do not have to receive.  "Thanks for the thought, but no thanks - I won't accept."  Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, even you. The most important opinion you have is the one about yourself.  

Forget about revenge because that usually makes things worse.  Instead be so busy working on improving yourself that you don't have time to worry about the other stuff as much.  

Forget feeling alone, helpless or forever stuck... that's a lie that will only hurt you.  Instead reach out for help and keep asking until you get it. You are worth it.

3. Forgive 

Have empathy for the other person and understand that we all make mistakes and do things we wish we hadn't.  If you can be quick to forgive and show kindness, it can go a long way in showing your inner strength and earning respect.  They may not like you, but when you can be a rock in a storm, it earns the respect of others.

Remember also that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself that facilitates healing and releases you from being stuck in the pain.  With forgiveness, you can begin to move forward intelligently.  It can really help to talk to a counselor or trusted advisory to do this work.  

Also remember that to forgive is not to forget.  Take the lessons you learned from the situation and apply it for future use. 

4. Funny

Humor is one of your most powerful allies.  A clever comeback line can win over a crowd, distract someone bullying and even help you make friends.  It is a power that most people admire and want to have.  Humor has the power to heal and help awkward situations.  Humor is a great tool that you can use by practicing bullying comeback lines.  Just make sure that the humor is not at the expense of the other person or you could make things worse.  The goal with using humor to combat bullying is to make it better.

Remember also to take your safety seriously but never yourself too seriously.  Learn to laugh at yourself a bit and celebrate what makes us all human in our shared experiences.  Showing you can laugh at yourself is also a sign of strength that others admire. It does not have to be at the expense of your dignity and can be quite disarming to bullying behavior.

Being funny is also a deflector that shifts bullying energy away from you and can buy you time to get help or get to safety.

5.  Frame

One of my favorite sayings is,"You may not be able to change the wind but you can adjust your sails."  Sometimes bad things happen.  When they do we are faced with a choice to let that define us in a negative way or turn it into something powerful and positive.  Be willing to get and accept the help you need to re-frame your experiences into lessons you can use. Maybe you can focus on what you are grateful for and how you can help others with what you learned.  Good things can come from bad situations if we choose to make it so.  

Anthony Robbins puts it this way, "“Fairness is an illusion. ... , “Some people are buried in an avalanche and others ski."  You give meaning to your life experiences through the stories that you tell yourself.   That doesn't make it all your fault or mean that you are alone, just the opposite, it is just one way to let you know you don't have to stay a victim of circumstances and you are worth fighting for.  It can get better and if you look hard enough, you'll find plenty of people willing to help you.

Sometimes middle school aged children and even grade school children can learn how to use some of these tools with the guidance of a caring counselor, parent, coach or mentor.  However, these concepts take a bit more maturity to grasp and implement so it depends on the individual and his or her development.

Visit Bullying Prevention Initiative International - Bullying Prevention World
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These are just some ideas for helping deal with bullying, harassment, rude behavior and early stages of bullying. Of course, each situation is unique and should be treated as such. Handling bullying is a problem solving, self defense matter that requires more work than a few simple tricks. Bullying is a much more critical issue when combined with depression, medication or other extenuating circumstances.  No matter what stage of bullying, you should tell your parents, teachers, friends and counselor about the problem to have the best chance of resolving it.  

For more help, ideas, strategies and techniques of bullying prevention join us online for free resources, research and discussion.

Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative The Phoenix Bully Proof Project FACEBOOK
Bully Proof Arizona BLOG
Bullying Prevention Initiative International FACEBOOK
Bullying Prevention World BLOG

For a free radio interview with Bully Busting tips click here

BullyProof camps, workshops and guides - email BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com for info.

Sponsored in part by:

USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix

Nottingham Sword & Shield Bodyguards
JohnNottingham.com

Tips To Fight Bullies - Anti-Bullying Help

USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix
Offers Free Bullying Prevention Workshop
and Scholarship to Children Being Bullied

How To Stop Bullying
Anti-bully | Bullying Prevention
_________________________________________________________

Four Tips to Fight Against Bullies!
Nobody likes to be picked on. Here are four tips for your child to use to fight against bullies.

What can you do when being bullied? 

First realize that there is a big difference between fighting and self defense.  When you think of fighting first, you are already headed for trouble.  Instead, physical self defense of blocking or stopping an attack is the last resort and only used after every other option has been exhausted.

Bullying is a broad term that is used by some to describe a wide variety of behaviors.  Most bullying is a power play that seeks a reaction, usually from someone who will respond like victim and play out a role.  If you refuse this role, often the person bullying will seek a different target.  They may test you again from time to time, but usually it ends if you show strength by not responding how they want, staying centered and calm or having a sense of humor.

Start by trying to be friends or just avoiding the situations that seem to go bad.  Stay away from the problem people or areas and try to change the situation if you can.  When that doesn't work, you're going to have to summon some inner-strength.  (That's why we recommend martial arts training for confidence. )  You can practice your comeback lines and body language with a friend, family or trusted person and really get into it to make it real.  But remember, it's not what you do, it is how you do it.  Make it real and be ready to back it up.

• Speak up against bullying. Say something like, “stop it.”
• Use Verbal Judo "Talking like that can get you into a lot of trouble and I don't want to see that happen. Let's be friends and keep it cool."
• Don't react and leave. Act like you do not care, even if you really do.
• Tell an adult you trust. They may have ideas about what you can do.
• Stick together. Staying with a group might help.   

Become Your Own Bullying Bodyguard Role Play From Nottingham's BullyProof VestBullying Trap "You're Stupid!"Verbal Judo Bullying Comeback Line: "You Can Think Whatever You Want." 

Bullying Escalation "You're Such an Idiot!"
Verbal Judo Bullying Comeback Line: "You Offering To Tutor Me?" 

Refuse To Be a Bullying Victim!
Remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Your response needs to be centered, strong and calm without showing that it can bother you. By keeping your cool and showing they can't bother you, then you keep the power. Refuse to be a victim. Practice your tone, body language and internal dialog (what you say to yourself.)The response should be deadpan and relaxed. Keep your cool and dignity.



Things to remember...

You are not alone.
It is not your fault. Bullying is wrong - but it happens!
Talk to someone you trust. Keep telling until you get help.
Do not hurt yourself.  It can and will get better.
Do not bully anyone else.  This attracts more problems and makes it worse.
Do not let the bully win by giving up. Keep doing what you love to do.

Build yourself up to be strong and prepared.  

For cyber-bullying, online bullying, texting bullies, or social media bullying try to document the evidence like a detective and turn it in to prove your point and get help.

For more information on bullying prevention or how to deal with a bully the smart way contact:

Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative The Phoenix Bully Proof Project FACEBOOK
Bully Proof Arizona BLOG
Bullying Prevention Initiative International FACEBOOK
Bullying Prevention World BLOG

For a free radio interview with Bully Busting tips click here

Sponsored in part by:

USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix

Nottingham Sword & Shield Bodyguards
JohnNottingham.com

Bullying Armor - Does Your Child Have a Bully Proof Vest?

The Proven Cure for Bullying - More Signs?

Bullies, Bullying, and Bully Behavior
There is a somewhat popular notion floating around these days about making bullying "go away".  To me this is akin wishing crime away or rudeness away.  These are realities of the world we live in.  I believe it important that we do not take a stroll down the yellow brick road of denial.  Nor should we delude ourselves into thinking we can put up "anti-bulling" signs that read "bully free zone" to magically protect children.

Bullying Is Part of Our World
Instead I suggest we acknowledge that life has risks.  Rude behavior and dangerous situations exist.  Therefore we need to prepare ourselves and our children with the tools and skills to detect, deter, de-escalate, diffuse and defend those situations.  It is a skill set that an individual can use throughout life.  Bullying behavior does not magically stop after childhood.  It is deeply ingrained in the human interaction.

Bullying Armor - The Bully Proof Vest - Defense With Dignity
Bullying Armor - The Bully Proof Vest program educates and equips children with the tools they need to build a good defense, safe habits and a healthy mindset.  That defense starts with telling them the truth about the world they live in.  It's not about scaring them or using anxiety creating fear to get them to be more aware.  Instead, it is giving them the inner strength, skills and tools to be prepared for the things they are likely to encounter, such as bullying.  This gives them a confidence and peace of mind that comes from knowing you can handle difficult situations and retain your dignity.

Teachers, school administrators and parents can't be there at every moment of a child's life to protect them.  That means that children need to have skills to help protect themselves.  It is a fundamental human right.

If you would like your child to learn how to develop true confidence to deal with bullying behavior then give us a call or send an email to:

Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative
The Bullying Prevention Project
Bullying Armor - The Bully Proof Vest 
USA Martial Arts Phoenix
4731 E. Greenway Suite 9
Phoenix, AZ 85032
Telephone: 602-896-8721
email: info@usa-martialarts.com
http://usa-martialarts.com
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