Are you a parent of a BULLIED CHILD who's frustrated with teachers and school system?
Has your son or daughter fallen through the cracks of the school wide anti-bullying programs?
Does your child's school deny having a bullying problem or refuses to listen?
If so... We have the answers.
My name is John Nottingham and I've been helping men, women and children protect themselves and effectively deal with bullying for over 27 years. I know the pain of being bullied because it happened to me. That's why I created my BullyProof Vest - How to Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard. I train bodyguards, Police SWAT, FBI, Military, Special Forces, men, women and children of all ages for a living. I can help you and your child too. I don't say that to impress you but to impress upon you that my techniques have to work because lives depend on it.
The Solution to Bullying is NOT Complex - It Is Simple... Just Not Always EASY.
Bullying is not a complex problem as the modern self proclaimed experts report. That is why reports of bullying is on the rise. Research is revealing that their efforts are failing despite their new laws, NO BULLY ZONE posters and impotent attempts to force everyone to be nice. That approach just isn't realistic. They fail because they are in a field outside their expertise.
Is The Anti-Bully Movement Creating Victims or Victors?
More often than not these well-intentioned groups are creating serial victims by teaching them that nobody has the right to offend them or be wrong, have a bad day, make a mistake or be anything but nice. This is simply a formula for disaster and will leave a generation of children unprotected, incapable, who are emotional marshmallows with low social intelligence. Our program teaches how to become victorious in bullying situations through practical skills from verbal judo that build confidence, and instill resilience, rather than erode it.
Learn to Successfully Prevent Bullying From Professional Protectors
Bullying behavior has a simple solution - but those who refuse to accept the reality of it want to believe that it is a complex problem because they don't know how to deal with bullying. Most of them can't deal with bullying behavior even as adults and that is the reason they are failing children. You can't give away what you don't have.
The Uncomfortable Truth - Cash in the Reality Check
The answer to bullying is acceptance of reality. Bullying is a behavior that we are all capable of. It is as part of the human make up as much as violence is. As much as some individuals struggle with that idea because it conflicts with their wishes for a nice and happy world, it is not so. This is a form of anxiety producing denial. Denial is not an effective bullying solution nor practical self defense approach.
If we could legislate a perfect community, politicians would have done that long ago. The fact remains that oppressive behavior and violence exists in our world because it exists in our human condition. The good news is that we have solutions for it and we can teach them to you and your child.
Here are some smart steps to helping your child overcome bullying.
1. Observe - Know Your Child
Observe them in social situations while they interact with other children. Note their body language, emotional responses, social skills and ability to adapt or make friends. It is important to notice how they navigate through challenges, various feelings and use problem solving skills. Are they passive (did nothing)? Aggressive (usually ends up in a fight or spewing insults)? Assertive (demonstrated calm strength)? Do they have skills for problem solving? How much do they rely on you? Too much? Too little? The goal should be a healthy interdependence of using you and teachers as a resourceful guide, not always as a rescuer or strong arm of justice.
Remember that a helicopter parent that always swoops in to rescue a child is crippling that child for years to come and robbing them of the opportunity to have dignity, resourcefulness and important safety capability. That is not to say they are to be abandoned when they really need help! It is based on context so the situation will determine the best course of action. It is NOT one size fits all overly specific or overly generic methods.
2. Develop Trusting Relationship
Develop a relationship with your children where they feel safe to share things with you. Be a good listener. Avoid interrupting, or being too quick to judge a situation and render your opinion. Ask them what they think they should do first and encourage them to problem solve so they develop skills. Share personal experiences with them that may be helpful for them to know you understand and acknowledge and validate their feelings. They are not you. Avoid preachy dogma that might make them feel weak or incapable, or overly aggressive or get in trouble. Explain the outcomes of various approaches and together determine a course of action. You are teaching them important skills here so use wisdom. If you are not sure then show them how to seek out expert help when needed and be resourceful. Build trust so that your children know you are an advocate for them and a trusted voice of wisdom and reason.
3. Assessment
Next is to determine the type of bullying, its sources, characteristics and the level of threat that it poses to personal safety or emotional health. Stick to the facts and ask for specifics. Recognize that you have a bias as the child's parent so be cautious to sort out fact from feelings (in your own mind) while being empathetic to your child's emotions. Reassure them that you are on their side and believe them.
What kind of bullying is taking place?
- Verbal Bullying / Intimidation
- Indirect Bullying / Emotional Bullying (manipulation, exclusion, rumors etc.)
- Internet / Social Media aka Cyberbullying
- Physical Bullying
- One individual, multiple etc.
- Locations: School, places of transition (bus stop etc.)
- Whom has been notified?
- What have they tried?
Gentle Interview/Test
Role play the scenario with your child with you being the "bully" and have them show you how they have handled it in the past. You can make it into a game where your child feels safe. Stay in character without allowing it to become too silly. Be careful not to render a hasty judgement - instead identify with your child's feelings first then when calm and ready you can explore some solutions together.
In most cases you'll find your child is being passive. Some will be aggressive. The goal is to be assertive.
Taking into account your child's emotional health and social intelligence ask yourself if you believe your child is capable of self rescue. If so, you can move on to the next step. If not, you may have to develop an intervention plan with teachers or other calm, reasonable adults. The best approach is with calm wisdom that seeks to help the other child, not exact revenge or some twisted idea of social justice (which could lead to bullying behavior and make things worse).
4. Lead by example. Remember that you model problem solving behavior and conflict resolution skills to your child in your daily life. Be a good example to them.
Also, you should lead by example in the role playing. Let them act out the bully role while you handle it with calm and wisdom. Try some of the verbal judo comeback lines we provide here. Model the behavior you wish to see in your child. If you lack the skills, get training, practice and then do so. You can learn together and make it a great experience!
5. Actionable Plan
Based on the sum of all factors in the situation you can together create a realistic plan that works for your values, your child's abilities and age appropriate responses. Keep in mind that you have a peaceful objective that protects all the children involved and has a win-win outcome.
6. Role Play and Rehearse
Discussing how to handle a bullying situation is not enough. It requires that you role play it in as realistic of conditions as you can create and your child is ready for. Switch roles each time so that you can demonstrate how to do it and then allow your child to be inspired by your clever, calm confidence and display of assertive inner strength. Give each other feedback on how you did. One of my favorite tools is to video or audio record the process and watch it afterwards. On video, turn off the sound and simply watch body language to see where the majority of communication is coming from. (Research shows that only about 3-7% of communication is verbal.) This is a very powerful tool once you get over being camera shy. Make bullying prevention practice fun!
If you want more information on how to effectively STOP BULLYING, my programs or organization join us online at:
John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest
How To Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard
Speaking, Assemblies, Teacher Training, Verbal Judo Tactical Communication, Physical Intervention
The Bullying Prevention Initiative International
Free resources from best practices, protective specialists, research, discussion and more.
The Phoenix BullyProof Project
Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative Sponsored by Nottingham Sword & Shield Security, John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest and USA Martial Arts
Meet John Nottingham, Security, Self Defense, Bullying Specialist, Speaker and Consultant
John Nottingham, PI, E.P.S., 6th Degree Black Belt Master Instructor knows how it feels be bullied. Not only did he overcome it, he has taught thousands of men, women and children to resolve conflicts peacefully for over 26 years. His mission is to provide alternative solutions on the serious issue of bullying and self defense; and to educate about the importance of peace and character education programs. The connection between bullying and other forms of violence, and the effects bullying has on children is significant. John specializes in Verbal Judo, Bullying Prevention and Victim Proof Self Defense Training, and is available to speak at schools, church groups, and community events. |
Alternative to Anti-Bullying Movement
John founded the not for profits Bullying Prevention Initiative International as well as the local chapter of the Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - The Phoenix BullyProof Project to provide alternatives to the failed school wide anti-bullying programs.
John has served as an adviser and contributor for the Break The Chain Foundation, a charity dedicated to raising awareness about child abuse. He is also authoring a book on bullying - 5 Steps To Handle a Bully Like a Bodyguard - a practical guide to self defense with dignity. He draws from his vast experience in advanced threat assessment and management, self defense, security, military intelligence and role as a martial arts peace educator. His methods have served as advice for various community, school, and faith-based programs, special events and conferences.If you have opportunity for a speaker, event, or program/project manager, or would like
