Anti-Bullying VS Bullying Prevention - The Important Difference Nobody is Talking About

Being targeted for bullying stinks.

For those of us who know the pain of the repeated teasing, taunting, exclusion and cruelty, it is something we cannot easily forget.  However, there is hope.  My organization has been successfully teaching men, women and children how to handle bullying for nearly 30 years in practical ways.  But this doesn't happen if you accept the myths, distortions and misguided approach of the current anti-bully movement.

The current media hyped anti-bullying approach is failing.  It fails students, teachers and worse, the vulnerable among us who need the most help.  Every major study continues to show the failed process and policies, yet they continue.  FACT: The anti-bullying approach fails.  Peace education with character and leadership development works again and again.

You have probably seen the school rallies, anti-bully posters in hallways and the witch hunt of finding, reporting and punishing all "bullies". Your children most likely have already been exposed to this ideology.

Why Does The Anti Bullying Movement Fail?
1. It's a circular blame game.  Students blame students, parents blame teachers, teachers blame parents, then eventually,  the administration.  This can and has led to nasty legal disputes and costly litigation.  The finger pointing is endless, despite the good intentions.

2. The very definition of bullying continually changes.  To date, there exists no standardized definition for bullying.  Every self proclaimed expert and presenter has his or her own definition.  However, bullying is not a clinical diagnosis, rather, it is a social label.   How can we teach children that name calling is wrong and yet label people (children) bullies?

Furthermore the definition has expanded to be so broad that it makes diagnosis problematic and an ever increasing host of victims.   (A common tactic for those who would profit from promoting such ideas.) This has led to such alarmist fear mongering as "bullying epidemic" and "bully-cide", none of which are scientific.

3. The anti-bully movement is a punitive process, not a peace process.  The very method seeks to vilify certain individuals, usually without any due investigation nor consideration.  It lacks wisdom, intelligence and is rooted in revenge, rather than education.  Revenge is a nasty business that harms on many levels.  Much evil has been done in this world in the name of rationalized revenge.

4. The anti-bully movement promotes victim culture.  Rather than offering specific steps on how to create peace, virtually every anti-bullying recommendation escalates a situation.  Not only does this create more and increasingly complex problems, it harms, rather than protects, those involved.  For even if they are spared from this one incident of bullying, they are left ill equipped for others in the future.  The only recourse they are given is to tell.  This is no solution - it is an escalating ignition point.  Additionally, if you create heroes out of victims,  you will get more of them.

5. The anti-bully movement promotes division with the very people who could facilitate positive change.  The anti-bullying movement does not build bridges, compassion, understanding and peace - instead it uses tactics that are punitive and usually augment the problems.  A movement motivated by anger and hate is not one we can perpetuate if we want peace and respectful protection for all.

6. The anti-bully movement takes away individuals dignity.  From the accused to the accuser, they are sucked into a vortex of overly sweeping policies and the individual is quickly forgotten as the self proclaimed crusaders helicopter into action.  The targeted child can often receive the unintended message that they are incapable of problem solving, protecting themselves or being resourceful. When a child is labeled a tattle tale, it can equate to a social death that they have to live with on a day to day basis.

7.  It is too easy to abuse.  Socially intelligent children are often the ones exhibiting aggressive behavior.  Once they pick up on these policies they learn that they can claim victim status, tell on another student and bully by proxy.  They simply get the adults to do their dirty work through manipulation of these labels and policies.

8.  The anti-bullying movement also demonizes bystanders and sweeps them into a guilty verdict without allowing for any other personal choices.  Now if a child see an incident and does nothing,  he or she is as guilty as the offending "bully".  This process turns children on one another, becoming like a Police state, where suspicion and accusation are the rule of law.  Hitler Youth anyone?

9.  The anti-bullying movement promotes alarmism and a culture of fear surrounding normal childhood aggression.  This in turn causes many to rush to judgment and limits our ability to resolve the real underlying problems and help the ones who need sound adult wisdom the most.

10.  One look at the bullying statistics and any critical thinker will be confused by such wildly inconsistent data and distortions in the name of science.  It is anything but science, especially when you read the manipulative surveys and tactics used to collect the information.

In sharp contrast... 

John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest Bullying prevention education is entirely the opposite of the so called anti-bullying approach.

It is pro-active rather than simply reactive, creating a culture of peace, responsibility, respect, resourcefulness, empowerment, and self esteem.

Bully Proof  training is careful about the language and assumptions it uses for understanding conflict, aggression and a full spectrum of behaviors. It therefore protects the dignity and reputation of all involved with a more patient, balanced and caring approach to children.

BullyProof training approaches children with a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset and labeling approach.  It equips children with skills and tools to contextualize aggression, bad behavior and offers functional solutions to effectively resolve it.  Children are taught that building bridges is more powerful than revenge and damning labels.

BullyProof training operates on a peace process that works to create a cooperative, respectful culture and safe space for students to learn, speak freely and respect others opinions and ideals (even to disagree).

BullyProof empowers children to be resourceful problem solvers and build self esteem and empowerment through peace education and training.

If you would like to learn more about our BullyProof Vest peace process, verbal judo, and self defense empowerment approach, contact us at

http://usa-martialarts.com

Bullying Statistics, Solutions, Best Practices
The Phoenix BullyProof Project
Bullying Prevention Initiative International
Arizona Bullying Prevention Project

Partners in Education
Break The Chain of Child Abuse Foundation
The Black Belt Society
USA Martial Arts Phoenix
Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards

The Arizona Bully Project – A Bully Proof Educational Initiative
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
Email info@usa-martialarts.com
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
Facebook Arizona Bully Education Project

Anti-Bullying Speaker - No! Peace Education Speaker

Bullying Prevention Kick Off Assembly Speaker

Anti Bullying Speaker - No!  Peace Education Speaker

Bully-Proof / Victim-Proof Bullying Prevention Program has numerous positive benefits; one is the training the educators receive on how to be objective when they see bullying and what to do when students report bullying.

Finding a bully proof bullying prevention speaker who can engage students as well as educate them can be challenging.  Rather than lecturing them, John Nottingham involves them in an interactive experience that inspires, offers hope and gives children and teachers tools to make a difference.

Motivational school speaker John Nottingham has been educating students in bullying prevention assemblies for decades and has been engaged by many educational institutions and corporations that want practical tools for peace and character education.

His assemblies covers all the principles and concepts for BullyProofing kids and classrooms.

John's methods of entertainment, education and training keep kids hanging on his every word.  John's presentations emphasize proven methods to respond to bullying behavior (micro-aggression) and offer practical tools for handing situations peacefully.  We also offer ongoing training and consultation.

Training students how to report bullying behavior, rather than tattle, preserves the culture of the classroom, the dignity of the individuals and helps resolve the situation in a peaceful manner.  They become teachable moments that equip children with new skills and move everyone forward in constructive ways.  This bullying prevention peace training builds character and make it win-win for parents, teacher and students alike.

 Find out why so many parents and teachers recommend John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest and BullyProof-VictimProof program.

BullyProof Vest on Facebook

Free Bully Proof Workshop  https://www.facebook.com/events/913956942016609/

Arizona Bullying Prevention - Phoenix BullyProof Project

John Nottingham 4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Tel. 602-896-8721

Grandma's Advice on How To Handle Life's Painful Times

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

I read this story long ago and have used it in my lessons to inspire and encourage.  While I didn't write it, I hope that sharing it here will nourish your soul and encourage your heart.  - John Nottingham

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.

Cyberbullying Tips For Protecting Kids

Cyberbullying Defense and Protection Tips - 

Online Bully?  Here's Some Help

Online Bullying

"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones.

Not all bullying happens in person.  Increasingly it takes place online, emails, by texting and other means.  Cyberbullying, social media bullying, or online bullying, can be dealt with using some simple tips.   Here are some things you can do to protect yourself or your kids while online.  

• Discuss the repercussions, consequences (even unintended) and safety issues about media, computer, phone texting and other app use prior to ever being allowed to use it. Parents, keep in mind that although you may not allow your children a phone or monitor online activity, they will have access to it through friends and other sources. Better trained and prepared for what can happen rather than operate under the assumption that they do not have access. 
• Think twice before you post. If it cannot be forwarded, then it should not be posted. Just think of everything online or by phone as public and shared. Consider also how embarrassing it might be used or manipulated to hurt others.
• Keep passwords secret from other kids and change them often.  Parents should always have children's passwords as a matter of practical safety for themselves and others.
• Consider whom might see your online posts or messages.  Strangers? Friends of friends? Understand and maximize privacy settings to add an additional layer of security.
• Parents must be kept in the loop.  Media and online time are privileges that come with serious safety considerations.  Kids, remember that your parents care about you and want to keep you safe.  Parents, remember to nurture your child's trust by having open communication about tough issues.
• When in doubt - don't.  
• Talk to an adult about any messages that make you feel upset or you might be concerned about.  If it is abuse, harassment, rude or cyber bullying, report it immediately.

Three Steps To Prevent Online Bullying

1. Stop responding no matter how provoking.  Don't take the bait.

2. Block, unfriend, disconnect from the person so that you no longer engage them.

3. Document and report the abuse if you need to pursue it.

Don't write it, participate in in, and do not forward it.  Be the hero.

For more information on online bullying (cyberbullying) or bullying prevention help.

Online Bully?  Here's Some Help

Sources

Accredited 

What To Do When Bullying Finds You - Bullying Defense Tips For Parents and Teachers

Feeling Bullied?
An opposite approach the the institutionally administered so called anti-bully movement.
Inside Out Instead of Top Down - Methods That ACTUALLY WORK!

What Do You Do When Bullying Finds You or Your Child?
Great question.  Among the myriad of self proclaimed experts and well intentioned amateurs offering advice it may be difficult to wade through the sea of responses and find what works for you or your child.

Parents and Teachers...

BULLYING FACTS:

• Bullying is the most common form of violence in American society according to the National Association of School Psychologists.
• Bullying affects 15 to 30 percent of students as either bullying child or the targets of bullying
• Studies have shown that adults who were bullied as children have a much higher level of depression and lower self-esteem than those who were not.

1. Investigate.

Prescription without diagnosis can lead to increasing problems and complexity, exacerbating the problems rather than solving them.
Is the child teachable and capable of self help?  Perhaps guiding them through the process with options is the best course of action.  What are the roles of the teacher, administration, parents, friends and social climate?  What are the emotional and social skill levels of the individuals involved?
How can we work to improve resiliency factors, dignity and peace of mind of the child?
Above all, reassure the child that you believe them, will listen and help them make the situation better.

2. Separate facts from fiction and judgmental opinion.

Jumping to conclusions, labeling "bully" or demonizing are proven to be failed approaches.  Rather than label, seek first to understand the dynamics, history, individual dynamics and keep an open mind to the totality of reality and the contributing factors.
Use wisdom, compassion, empathy and reassurance without the blame game.  Responding with wisdom is more powerful and helpful than reacting with simple emotion.

3. Encourage empathy and dignity for all parties at every step.  

Avoid demonizing, labeling and other escalating behaviors.  Reassure the individuals that you understand the pain and acknowledge it.  However, try to help them understand that they are empowered with expanded points of view and that forgiveness has more power than revenge.   Anger is OK as long as it moves us in a more positive and helpful position.  Anger just needs to be directed in a productive direction.  It does not help to dwell on it for too long.
Focus on solutions and the desired outcome, rather than the past hurts and actions.  Revenge focuses on the past.  Peace is focuses on the future.  This doesn't mean to diminish the pain or injury, nor ignore it.  It simply means to address it appropriately and not let it hold you back.

4. Collaborate with teachers, counselors, and parents for a win-win solution.

Begin to look at the resources available and see everyone as on the same team of desiring a positive outcome.  Look for ways to make it a teachable moment and seek the best available long-term outcome.  An empowered child who feels happy and secure is much better than a child empowered with pseudo-celebrity from attention grabbing victim-hood.  Being a perpetual victim is not a wise life-choice.  We may not always be able to control what happens to us, however, wise and powerful individuals choose how they react to those circumstances.  Share true stories which exemplify overcoming odds and difficult situations while retaining dignity.

5. Educate, train and prepare the individual for the future.

When we see these conflicts as opportunities for teachable moments, we change the dynamics significantly.  Sometimes, children who demonstrate aggressive behaviors are at risk at home, abused or simply neglected.
Children who are passive, often believing they are being nice, have no idea that they are making themselves soft targets and positioned for repeated abuse, and not just with bullying.  Instead teach them how to choose the behaviors, body language, boundaries and actions of an assertive individual.  Offer peaceful solutions so they can make better choices.
If you must intervene, do so with the knowledge of the short and long term consequences.

http://www.amazon.com/Bullyproof-Unleash-Hero-Inside-Your/dp/0692522719/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1444160023&sr=1-1&keywords=bullyproof

Other Free Resources:
https://bullyingpreventionworld.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/mybullyproofvest?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International-240455266014141/timeline/
https://www.facebook.com/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project-195880673766509/timeline/

BullyProof Your Child - Certification Training for Parents, Teachers and Youth Leaders in Phoenix AZ

https://www.facebook.com/events/421757581291579/

BullyProof Your Child - Certification Training for Parents, Teachers and Youth Leaders

Bodyguard trainer says the reason reports of bullying on the rise is because adults are encouraging victim culture and creating soft target kids.

Following the flood of media reports on bullying, cyber bullying related teen suicide, some parents and teachers are taking steps to prepare children for the hazards they face in school, camp and life.

In addition to fire safety, internet safety, how to swim, the 911 emergency system, parents are adding sexual abuse prevention, self defense from depression, obesity, diabetes and BULLYING.

They are doing this with a unique program developed by safety specialist and bodyguard trainer John Nottingham.

John Nottingham has been on the front lines of bullying prevention for nearly thirty years teaching children, men and women how to handle bullying effectively.  He uses a method developed from strategies he teaches to bodyguards to spot potential problems in advance, redirect behavior with words, and change the context of a would be bullying situation.

Listen to Our Chief Instructor 

John Nottingham Discuss the USA Martial Arts Anti-Bully Program on the 
Outreach Today Radio Show

Play The Anti-Bully Interview

BULLYING FACTS:

• Bullying is the most common form of violence in American society according to the National Association of School Psychologists.
• Bullying affects 15 to 30 percent of students as either bullying child or the targets of bullying
• Studies have shown that adults who were bullied as children have a much higher level of depression and lower self-esteem than those who were not.

The facts show that over 85% of bullying goes unreported. 

Nottingham's BullyProof Vest strives to offer the most practical and effective bullying prevention program available. 

Learn more about bullying, how to prevent or resolve it, and more about the Bullying Prevention Initiative International organization or the Arizona chapter Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative.

Protect your children with bullying prevention skills and strategies by contacting USA Martial Arts Phoenix and a certified bully prevention specialist to inquire about upcoming seminars based on the Bullying Prevention Initiative International programs.

info@usa-martialarts.com
602-896-8721

BullyProof Vest Busts Bullies for School and Life!

Given enough time, pretty much everyone is going to have to deal with bullying behavior.  Bullying left unchecked can leave lasting emotional, mental and even physical scars that can influence an individual for life.  

A program developed by a bodyguard trainer and martial arts Master is offering hope to thousands of men, women and children who are being bullied.  It is called John Nottingham's BULLYPROOF VEST.  Flying in the face of conventional advice of "Just ignore it", "Walk away" or "Tell a teacher", BullyProof Vest employs a security protocol that identifies the type of bullying, helps the target develop a plan and protects them instantly as well as in the future.

John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest Features:

• Resilience factors "How Not To Be Selected as a Target for Bullying"
• Recognition techniques to identify the type of bullying to select the optimal solution
• Verbal Judo for effective comeback lines that preserve one's dignity
• Tools, data and resources to get the help needed
• Hope to those who feel hopeless in a bullying situation

John Nottingham's Bully Busting Process 

1. Make friends.  Peace before punches if at all possible.  Use the Golden Rule, humor, deflection, change the frame of how you see the situation if it can help.  Kindness, compassion and forgiveness, can often kill cruelty if properly applied.
2. Communicate with confidence.  Learn to set boundaries with verbal, tonal and body language cues and get needs met in a healthy manner.
3. Avoid bullying set ups and dangerous situations that could lead to bullying abuse.  Learn where, when and why bullying can take place to be able to thwart it.
4. Set firm boundary by setting a line.  Learn assertion competence to set healthy boundaries and set the stage for protecting yourself.
5. Protect yourself. Nobody has the right to abuse you.  Your safety is more important that other people's feelings.

The training program delves deeper into each category of this peace process.  It has proven itself effective time and time again for nearly thirty years. For more information about John Nottingham or his security or protective programs contact BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com

ABC's of Bullying Prevention Workshop for Children, Parents and Teachers in Phoenix Arizona USA

Free ABC's of Bullying Prevention Workshop in Phoenix for Children, Teachers and Parents
How To Defeat Bullying The Peaceful Way - Endorsed by the Bullying Prevention Initiative International and the Phoenix BullyProof Project

Arizona Family Protection and Self Defense Security specialist John Nottingham recently celebrated his birthday in a unique way; he taught a bullying prevention seminar.  Parents, teachers, and children were invited to attend a free workshop on Addressing Bullying in our Community or what Nottingham calls the ABC's of bullying prevention.

"Bullying has a simple solution - it's just not always easy to implement in a bureaucracy and given so much bad advice surrounding the issue.", says Nottingham.

In the workshop, participants learned Nottingham's Bullying Peace Process from his BullyProof Vest program that he's been teaching for 28 years.  He shared tips from his book Five Steps on How to Deal With Bullying Like a Bodyguard.  He even described the failed so called "anti-bully" policies, BULLY FREE zones, and

Bullying Prevention Tips:

• Friendship beats fighting
• Forgiveness and empathy encourage peace
• Humor is like armor "BullyProof Vest"
• The difference between telling and tattling
• How to be a hero helper to someone else being bullied

Nottingham is no average Karate Sensei.  He is not only a 7th Degree Master Black Belt but owns a Security and Bodyguard training company that specializes in Family Protection and Advanced Threat Assessment.  His clients include Military, Law Enforcement, men, women and children of all ages.

For speaking, presentations or more information about John Nottingham or the bullying prevention programs, free bullying help resources or statistics, he can be reached at:



BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com
Phoenix-MartialArts.com
USA-MartialArts.com
JohnNottingham.com
602-896-8721

Bullying Prevention Made Easy With Verbal Judo Peace Process

Bullying Prevention Verbal Judo
Anti-Bullying Tactical Communication Tongue Fu!

A Peaceful Verbal Self Defense Approach from Martial Arts Wisdom and Law Enforcement Training

Greetings,

My name is John Nottingham from the Phoenix BullyProof Project.  You may recognize me from my news appearances for Nottingham Sword & Shield Security or my USA Martial Arts schools.  I've been doing bullying prevention work and teaching men, women and children how to protect themselves for over 27 years now.

A Novel Approach To Bullying Prevention
I've devoted my life to researching and teaching the best methods of personal protection, security and self defense (including bullying prevention).  Throughout that time I have studied with some of the greatest minds in the world on the subjects related to safety and security.

Bully Prevention | Anti-Bullying Verbal Defense 
Our PEACEFUL approach to bullying prevention has been incorporated into numerous Anti-Bully Programs, Bullying Prevention Presentations and curriculum.  We teach the use of INFLUENCE for Bully Prevention.  It is a pro-active approach that helps men, women and children generate voluntary compliance and redirect behavior with words.  This powerful method prevents situations from escalating and has even saved lives.  Maybe it will protect you or that of your child's someday as well.

These are just a few of the benefits you or your child will gain from learning Verbal Judo or Tactical Communication.

Our step-by-step program will teach you:

   •   Specific ways to identify what makes you angry and how to gain control over thoughts and emotions to make smarter and safer choices.

   •   Methods to intercept and respond to verbal attacks using proven tactics that preserve your dignity and respect.

   •   Key listening tools to understand why people use bullying behavior and what is really behind their words.

   •  You'll learn when, how and where to take action for the best outcome.

 John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest - How to Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard uses a proven method of thwarting bullying by equipping each individual with the social intelligence, anger management, and assertion competence to handle bullying situations with dignity, style and class.  You'll learn peaceful resolutions to conflicts and the proper way to handle bullying from hitting, pinching, tripping, rude remarks, online bullying to just about any cruel behavior!

To find the nearest authorized Bullying Prevention International, BullyProof Project or John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest representative, contact:
BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com
or visit online at
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bullying-Prevention-Initiative-International/240455266014141?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Arizona-Bullying-Prevention-Project/195880673766509?fref=ts
http://usa-martialarts.com

Attention Parents of Bullied Children... Is Your Child Being Bullied and You Need Answers Now?

Are you a parent of a BULLIED CHILD who's frustrated with teachers and school system?

Has your son or daughter fallen through the cracks of the school wide anti-bullying programs?
Does your child's school deny having a bullying problem or refuses to listen?

If so... We have the answers.

My name is John Nottingham and I've been helping men, women and children protect themselves and effectively deal with bullying for over 27 years.  I know the pain of being bullied because it happened to me.  That's why I created my BullyProof Vest - How to Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard.  I train bodyguards, Police SWAT, FBI, Military, Special Forces, men, women and children of all ages for a living.  I can help you and your child too. I don't say that to impress you but to impress upon you that my techniques have to work because lives depend on it.

The Solution to Bullying is NOT Complex - It Is Simple... Just Not Always EASY.
Bullying is not a complex problem as the modern self proclaimed experts report.  That is why reports of bullying is on the rise.  Research is revealing that their efforts are failing despite their new laws, NO BULLY ZONE posters and impotent attempts to force everyone to be nice.  That approach just isn't realistic.  They fail because they are in a field outside their expertise.  

Is The Anti-Bully Movement Creating Victims or Victors?
More often than not these well-intentioned groups are creating serial victims by teaching them that nobody has the right to offend them or be wrong, have a bad day, make a mistake or be anything but nice.  This is simply a formula for disaster and will leave a generation of children unprotected, incapable, who are emotional marshmallows with low social intelligence.  Our program teaches how to become victorious in bullying situations through practical skills from verbal judo that build confidence, and instill resilience, rather than erode it.  

Learn to Successfully Prevent Bullying From Professional Protectors
Bullying behavior has a simple solution - but those who refuse to accept the reality of it want to believe that it is a complex problem because they don't know how to deal with bullying.  Most of them can't deal with bullying behavior even as adults and that is  the reason they are failing children.  You can't give away what you don't have.

The Uncomfortable Truth - Cash in the Reality Check
The answer to bullying is acceptance of reality.  Bullying is a behavior that we are all capable of.  It is as part of the human make up as much as violence is.  As much as some individuals struggle with that idea because it conflicts with their wishes for a nice and happy world, it is not so.  This is a form of anxiety producing denial.  Denial is not an effective bullying solution nor practical self defense approach.   

If we could legislate a perfect community, politicians would have done that long ago.  The fact remains that oppressive behavior and violence exists in our world because it exists in our human condition.  The good news is that we have solutions for it and we can teach them to you and your child.

Here are some smart steps to helping your child overcome bullying.

1. Observe - Know Your Child
Observe them in social situations while they interact with other children.  Note their body language, emotional responses, social skills and ability to adapt or make friends.  It is important to notice how they navigate through challenges, various feelings and use problem solving skills.  Are they passive (did nothing)?  Aggressive (usually ends up in a fight or spewing insults)? Assertive (demonstrated calm strength)?  Do they have skills for problem solving?  How much do they rely on you?  Too much? Too little?  The goal should be a healthy interdependence of using you and teachers as a resourceful guide, not always as a rescuer or strong arm of justice.  
Remember that a helicopter parent that always swoops in to rescue a child is crippling that child for years to come and robbing them of the opportunity to have dignity, resourcefulness and important safety capability.  That is not to say they are to be abandoned when they really need help!  It is based on context so the situation will determine the best course of action.  It is NOT one size fits all overly specific or overly generic methods.  

2. Develop Trusting Relationship
Develop a relationship with your children where they feel safe to share things with you.  Be a good listener.  Avoid interrupting, or being too quick to judge a situation and render your opinion.  Ask them what they think they should do first and encourage them to problem solve so they develop skills.  Share personal experiences with them that may be helpful for them to know you understand and acknowledge and validate their feelings.  They are not you.  Avoid preachy dogma that might make them feel weak or incapable, or overly aggressive or get in trouble.  Explain the outcomes of various approaches and together determine a course of action.  You are teaching them important skills here so use wisdom.  If you are not sure then show them how to seek out expert help when needed and be resourceful.  Build trust so that your children know you are an advocate for them and a trusted voice of wisdom and reason.

3. Assessment
Next is to determine the type of bullying, its sources, characteristics and the level of threat that it poses to personal safety or emotional health.  Stick to the facts and ask for specifics.  Recognize that you have a bias as the child's parent so be cautious to sort out fact from feelings (in your own mind) while being empathetic to your child's emotions.  Reassure them that you are on their side and believe them.  

What kind of bullying is taking place?  

• Verbal Bullying / Intimidation
• Indirect Bullying / Emotional Bullying (manipulation, exclusion, rumors etc.)
• Internet / Social Media aka Cyberbullying
• Physical Bullying
• One individual, multiple etc.
• Locations: School, places of transition (bus stop etc.)  
• Whom has been notified?
• What have they tried?

Gentle Interview/Test

Role play the scenario with your child with you being the "bully" and have them show you how they have handled it in the past.  You can make it into a game where your child feels safe.  Stay in character without allowing it to become too silly.  Be careful not to render a  hasty judgement - instead identify with your child's feelings first then when calm and ready you can explore some solutions together.

In most cases you'll find your child is being passive.  Some will be aggressive.  The goal is to be assertive.

Taking into account your child's emotional health and social intelligence ask yourself if you believe your child is capable of self rescue.  If so, you can move on to the next step.  If not, you may have to develop an intervention plan with teachers or other calm, reasonable adults.  The best approach is with calm wisdom that seeks to help the other child, not exact revenge or some twisted idea of social justice (which could lead to bullying behavior and make things worse).

4.  Lead by example.  Remember that you model problem solving behavior and conflict resolution skills to your child in your daily life.  Be a good example to them.  

Also, you should lead by example in the role playing. Let them act out the bully role while you handle it with calm and wisdom.  Try some of the verbal judo comeback lines we provide here.  Model the behavior you wish to see in your child.  If you lack the skills, get training, practice and then do so.  You can learn together and make it a great experience!

5. Actionable Plan
Based on the sum of all factors in the situation you can together create a realistic plan that works for your values, your child's abilities and age appropriate responses.  Keep in mind that you have a peaceful objective that protects all the children involved and has a win-win outcome.  

6. Role Play and Rehearse  
Discussing how to handle a bullying situation is not enough.  It requires that you role play it in as realistic of conditions as you can create and your child is ready for.  Switch roles each time so that you can demonstrate how to do it and then allow your child to be inspired by your clever, calm confidence and display of assertive inner strength.  Give each other feedback on how you did.  One of my favorite tools is to video or audio record the process and watch it afterwards.  On video, turn off the sound and simply watch body language to see where the majority of communication is coming from.  (Research shows that only about 3-7% of communication is verbal.)  This is a very powerful tool once you get over being camera shy.  Make bullying prevention practice fun!

If you want more information on how to effectively STOP BULLYING, my programs or organization join us online at:

John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest
How To Handle Bullying Like a Bodyguard
Speaking, Assemblies, Teacher Training, Verbal Judo Tactical Communication, Physical Intervention

The Bullying Prevention Initiative International
Free resources from best practices, protective specialists, research, discussion and more.

The Phoenix BullyProof Project
Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative Sponsored by Nottingham Sword & Shield Security, John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest and USA Martial Arts

 Meet John Nottingham, Security, Self Defense, Bullying Specialist, Speaker and Consultant

Meet John Nottingham Director, Bullying Prevention Initiative International      Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative The Phoenix BULLYPROOF Project  Speaker and Consultant John Nottingham, PI, E.P.S., 6th Degree Black Belt Master Instructor knows how it feels be bullied.  Not only did he overcome it, he has taught thousands of men, women and children to resolve conflicts peacefully for over 26 years.  His  mission is to provide alternative solutions on the serious issue of bullying and self defense; and to educate about the importance of peace and character education programs.  The connection between bullying and other forms of violence, and the effects bullying has on children is significant.  John specializes in Verbal Judo, Bullying Prevention and Victim Proof Self Defense Training, and is available to speak at schools, church groups, and community events.

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Alternative to Anti-Bullying Movement  

John founded the not for profits Bullying Prevention Initiative International as well as the local chapter of the Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - The Phoenix BullyProof Project to provide alternatives to the failed school wide anti-bullying programs.

John  has served as an adviser and contributor for the Break The Chain Foundation, a charity dedicated to raising awareness about child abuse.  He is also authoring a book on bullying - 5 Steps To Handle a Bully Like a Bodyguard - a practical guide to self defense with dignity.  He draws from his vast experience in advanced threat assessment and management, self defense, security, military intelligence and role as a martial arts peace educator.  His methods have served as advice for various community, school, and faith-based programs, special events and conferences. 

If you have opportunity for a speaker, event, or program/project manager, or would like
to get more information about fees and services – John can be contacted by email ~  BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com  Facebook Bullying Prevention Initiative International Facebook Arizona Bullying Prevention Project Blog Bullying Prevention World

Phoenix Bullying Prevention Event for Children Teaches Confidence and Instills Inner Strength - October is Bullying Prevention Month

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
John Nottingham
(602) 896-8721

Arizona Bodyguard and Martial Arts Instructor Offers Bullying Prevention Training Event   for Arizona children.
Hear a free radio interview on Bully Prevention and check out these effective Bullying Prevention Tips.

October is Bullying Prevention Month

In recognition of Bullying Prevention Month, the Arizona Bullying Prevention Project is coordinating efforts and resources to teach Phoenix kids how to stop bullying and prevent bullying behavior. The Bully Solutions Project is a private initiative sponsored by a collaborative effort from USA Martial Arts Phoenix and Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards.

"We've been helping children and adults deal with bullying and aggressive behavior successfully for over 27 years.  Bullying can be resolved once you have the tools and know what to do and when to do it.  The first step is to accept responsibility and take action to get training from a qualified source."

Build Your Child's Confidence With Bullying Prevention Education

Grade School Bullying | Middle School Bullying | High School Bullying

o 160,000 children avoid school every day in the US to avoid bullying. –National Education Association.

o  Bullying is considered the most common form of violence in schools
o Studies have shown that adults who were bullied as children are more likely to have higher level of depression and lower self-esteem than those who were not.

"We teach a highly effective and proven five step process for handling a bullying.  Our techniques use a peaceful formula derived from bodyguard training.  It goes to the source of the problem rather than just attempting to band-aid the symptoms.  We teach children step by step how to identify trouble situations, escalating behaviors and give them practical tools to derail situations that could lead to bullying or violence." 

The Bully Intervention Project Phoenix Arizona.

The Arizona Bully Intervention Project – Bully Prevention Training
Teaching John Nottingham's Bully Proof Vest Program
4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/2011/02/arizona-bully-proof-project-training.html

Involved or Support Bullying Prevention Efforts

Arizona Bully Intervention Initiative Blog

Bullying Prevention and Bully Intervention Mistakes

How would you like it if your Doctor just started operating on your child with no tests, diagnosis or even interview?

This is not only dangerous but could have catastrophic consequences.  I have observed that this is all too common practice among some in the anti-bully movement.  Prescription without diagnosis is a common pitfall that needs to be avoided.  This is also among the reasons of why I do not agree with so called anti-bullying legislation nor school-wide anti-bullying policies as an effectual means to deal with the particular issues involved in bullying.  Although well intentioned, my experience clearly shows that those are backwards approaches to addressing the core issues of bullying and aggressive behavior.

BULLYING HELP FREE REPORT

Managing Conflict Without Violence - Bully Prevention 

by John D. Nottingham

Bullying 911 - Misdiagnosis
We have to be cautious that we do not treat cases in an overly generalized manner.  In my programs and workshops I emphasize a more individualized approach where diagnosis is key to recommending a course for treatment.

The two most common assumptions are:
1. The child is incapable of self rescue.
2. The child is capable of self rescue.

Preventing Bullying With Wisdom, Training and Compassion
The main emphasis of my programs are to BULLYPROOF or more accurately, victim-proof children with social and safety skills so that they are armed for life.  Doing everything for a child and insulating them from all difficulty is a sure way of disarming them and leaving them vulnerable.  However, sometimes children are in need of specific intervention.  That is why my team and I view it a process of moving from dependence to independence to interdependence.

FREE BULLYING PREVENTION TIPS 

John Nottingham Bullying Specialist Radio Interview 

Bubble Wrapped Kids From Helicopter Parenting?
We don't want to cripple children by doing everything for them and robbing them of the skills and lessons to grow into healthy, productive and functioning individuals.  At the same time, we need to be aware that some children need more help than others.  This is based on the social, safety and individual dynamics of the bullying situation.

If you would like to learn more about our assessment process and bullying prevention training programs, networking or efforts, please feel free to contact me personally at:

 BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com

John Nottingham, PI, EPS, 6th Degree Master Black Belt
Founder Bullying Prevention Initiative International / Phoenix BullyProof Project
Author: BULLYPROOF YOUR KIDS: How to Handle a Bully Like a Bodyguard

Sponsored by:
Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards
USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing
WEBSPECIAL Children's Martial Arts Phoenix
WEBSPECIAL Kickboxing Fight The Fat

Stop Bullying With Verbal Judo Techniques - Bullying Comeback Lines for Kids!

This instructional video is from our friend Martial Arts Master Richard Lykes, 5th Degree Black Belt.  Master Lykes is an accomplished martial artists and respected teacher who is trained in VERBAL JUDO method of bullying prevention.

In this video he takes children through some practical techniques to use if confronted with a bullying situation.  Notice the use of peaceful, positive persuasion.

Thank you for the valuable service you provide your community Master Lykes!

http://www.lykesmartialarts.com/index.php

Phoenix area training in bullying prevention:  http://usa-martialarts.com http://phoenix-martialarts.com
WEBSPECIAL http://KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com

What NOT to say to a bully to make him leave you alone

You've Been Lied To
There is a lot of misinformation and bad advice on handling a bully online and, even in school anti-bullying programs.  I'm sorry about that but it's why I started my BullyProofing programs.

Proven Methods Vs Guesswork and Denial
Here are some suggestions that may help you make a smarter and safer decision on your approach.  Nothing is guaranteed to work 100% of the time but these techniques have worked for thousands of others and now you can exercise more options.

Don't confuse knowledge for ability.  Some of the smartest people are terrified victims.  Just because you understand it doesn't mean you can do it.  You must practice until you have confidence in it.

NOTE: Each bullying situation is unique because of the personality, strengths and characteristics of the individuals involved.  Tough love advice does not help if the child targeted for bullying doesn't have the courage, confidence and ability to pull it off.  

Bullies Vs. Victims, Angels & Devils
Often times, the bullying is going both ways.  Bullying is a behavior cycle.  Assuming you, friend, your child or little brother is the angel can be a mistake.  This is a presumption of perfection and that one person is good and the other is evil.  Although that happens, it is rare and full of dangerous judgement that could lead to negative consequences. [I'm not saying blame the victim here.] Remember, it is when people perceive themselves as victims that they tend to lash out the most.  The goal is to avoid fighting, not encourage it.

The peaceful options are almost always found through approaching the issue with centered calm, objectivity, empathy and an effective plan based on accurate facts.

"Just stand up to him!"
This is incomplete advice because it assumes too much about the individual and the situation.  Standing up is not specific enough to help someone.  While the concept is usually right, how you actually do it is what determines the outcome.  Should you try to scare the one bullying?  Should you yell?  Should you threaten?  Should you give an ultimatum?  Usually the peaceful option is to show centered calm and inner-strength.  For most kids targeted with bullying, this is exactly what they haven't been doing.  It will probably take practice and some training to get to a level of confidence to do it right.

"Tell on the bully"
Telling on the bully is usually one of the worst ideas for a first step.  It can often be interpreted as bullying back to get the kid in trouble or bullying by proxy.  Being a bigger bully isn't right either.  Plus those with advanced social skills can sometimes manipulate teachers and retaliate.
If you want to escalate the situation, telling as a first option is a great way to do it.  Furthermore, you will have a lot of trouble having self-respect when you have to abdicate all your power to a teacher as a first option.  Sometimes it is important and necessary to get a teachers help but you should know when and where to do it.
The people who instruct you to tell on the bully first were probably bullied as kids.  Many still don't know why they were bullied or how to stop it without getting someone else to stop it for them.  That doesn't have to be your situation.  You can learn solutions that really work, keep you safe and preserve your dignity.
Another problem with telling on the bully is that it can earn you a reputation as a tattle tale.  This is a fast way to lose the respect and trust of your peers.  Nobody likes a rat.  If you have to tell, you should learn HOW to tell.  There is a difference between telling and tattling.

There is a right way and a wrong way to tell.  

Telling is not a wise first step in most situations because it has so many consequences.  There is a time to tell (when you must) but try the other steps first like Verbal Judo and making friends if you can.  Here are some more specific examples.

"Threaten to get the bully in trouble"
Threatening to get the bully in trouble or create some nasty consequence is another way to escalate an abusive situation.  People can really get upset when they feel trapped or threatened and act even more cruel. Empathy and options are a better way to get what you want as first steps rather than threatening.  That does't condone or make bullying right, it just shows that peace is more important to you than revenge and punishment.

Interviewing Bullies 

BULLY FACT: When interviewed, children who bully often report that they continued bullying because the other child tried to get them in trouble by telling on them or were mean to them. When see themselves as a victim, they want revenge.  This is how it can escalate.

"Punch Them in the Face One Time as Hard As You Can"
This is a really great way to get in a lot of trouble with your school.  Furthermore, it can be very dangerous if you aren't prepared for a physical fight.  It might even make other kids jump in to defend their friend and now your problems are compounded. People who tell you to punch a bully were probably people who use bully behavior to get what they want.  Fighting is not a wise solution to bullying and often ends up with you suffering more serious consequences, including physical harm.  Never mistake fighting with self defense.  Self defense is a last resort and when you have no other escape or options.  Fighting is a choice that comes with serious risks to you and the other person.


"Just walk away"
Most likely, you, your friend/sibling or child are being picked on because of this gem of advice.  It is very common to those who do not understand bullying dynamics.  Denial is not an effective safety or self defense strategy.  Just walking away can inadvertently give permission to the other person to keep picking on you day after day.  In effect, they are getting permission to pick on you.
It's not what you do, it is HOW you do it.  When you just walk away, some people interpret that as consent.  They may also interpret that as weakness and a good reason they need to toughen you up.  No, it isn't right and bullying is always wrong, but that is how some people think.
It is important that you make eye contact and acknowledge them with centered calm, a sense of humor or even agreement.  They key is to take them off their game and no matter what, avoid showing anger, vulnerability or an exaggerated reaction.

Whine and protest. "Stop it!" "You have no right to do that!" 
This is a great way to irritate and antagonize others.  Think of it as cheering on the bullying behavior.  I know that seems like the opposite, but some people really enjoy cranking people up emotionally.  It is a rewarding experience for them - like an experiment on a lab rat.  They like to see how far they can push and get away with it or make you do embarrassing things.
My recommendation is to keep your composure and preserve your dignity.  See it as a game and avoid whining, angry responses and emotional reactions that could be interpreted as weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  Remember, we are playing a game of perceptions here and we teach people how to treat us. Think of it like an interview and how you want to make an impression.  When you are tested with teasing, taunts, name calling, picking, poking... respond in unexpected ways with strength.  One of the greatest ways to show strength is to laugh (with, not at them) or show kindness.  Granted, it's not easy but it is very, very powerful.  You will likely need to build your confidence through practice and maybe even video your role playing until it looks strong and centered.

Evict The Victim Mindset
You can start feeling stronger by recognizing that others, just like you, have overcome bullying.  First you have to be willing to seek help with building your bully-busting skills.  The price is practice. Bullying behavior is part of life so learning how to deal with it successfully early is an important skill.  You should't do it alone so ask for help from people who are good at it.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.- Eleanor Roosevelt

Stop seeing yourself as a victim because that is what causes others to perceive you the same way.  Neither is there power in being a victim unless you want to live your life fishing, hoping, manipulating, begging for sympathy and never knowing your true potential and personal power.  Yes, some live entire lives that way but you don't have to live in fear and judgment.

You are unique and should be proud to be who you are.  Nobody on Earth is exactly like you.  You are far more powerful and valuable than you realize.  

If you really need help, I'll be your bully coach.  It's free and anonymous. You're worth fighting for. Wage peace my friend. BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com