Anti-Bullying VS Bullying Prevention - The Important Difference Nobody is Talking About

Being targeted for bullying stinks.

For those of us who know the pain of the repeated teasing, taunting, exclusion and cruelty, it is something we cannot easily forget.  However, there is hope.  My organization has been successfully teaching men, women and children how to handle bullying for nearly 30 years in practical ways.  But this doesn't happen if you accept the myths, distortions and misguided approach of the current anti-bully movement.

The current media hyped anti-bullying approach is failing.  It fails students, teachers and worse, the vulnerable among us who need the most help.  Every major study continues to show the failed process and policies, yet they continue.  FACT: The anti-bullying approach fails.  Peace education with character and leadership development works again and again.

You have probably seen the school rallies, anti-bully posters in hallways and the witch hunt of finding, reporting and punishing all "bullies". Your children most likely have already been exposed to this ideology.

Why Does The Anti Bullying Movement Fail?
1. It's a circular blame game.  Students blame students, parents blame teachers, teachers blame parents, then eventually,  the administration.  This can and has led to nasty legal disputes and costly litigation.  The finger pointing is endless, despite the good intentions.

2. The very definition of bullying continually changes.  To date, there exists no standardized definition for bullying.  Every self proclaimed expert and presenter has his or her own definition.  However, bullying is not a clinical diagnosis, rather, it is a social label.   How can we teach children that name calling is wrong and yet label people (children) bullies?

Furthermore the definition has expanded to be so broad that it makes diagnosis problematic and an ever increasing host of victims.   (A common tactic for those who would profit from promoting such ideas.) This has led to such alarmist fear mongering as "bullying epidemic" and "bully-cide", none of which are scientific.

3. The anti-bully movement is a punitive process, not a peace process.  The very method seeks to vilify certain individuals, usually without any due investigation nor consideration.  It lacks wisdom, intelligence and is rooted in revenge, rather than education.  Revenge is a nasty business that harms on many levels.  Much evil has been done in this world in the name of rationalized revenge.

4. The anti-bully movement promotes victim culture.  Rather than offering specific steps on how to create peace, virtually every anti-bullying recommendation escalates a situation.  Not only does this create more and increasingly complex problems, it harms, rather than protects, those involved.  For even if they are spared from this one incident of bullying, they are left ill equipped for others in the future.  The only recourse they are given is to tell.  This is no solution - it is an escalating ignition point.  Additionally, if you create heroes out of victims,  you will get more of them.

5. The anti-bully movement promotes division with the very people who could facilitate positive change.  The anti-bullying movement does not build bridges, compassion, understanding and peace - instead it uses tactics that are punitive and usually augment the problems.  A movement motivated by anger and hate is not one we can perpetuate if we want peace and respectful protection for all.

6. The anti-bully movement takes away individuals dignity.  From the accused to the accuser, they are sucked into a vortex of overly sweeping policies and the individual is quickly forgotten as the self proclaimed crusaders helicopter into action.  The targeted child can often receive the unintended message that they are incapable of problem solving, protecting themselves or being resourceful. When a child is labeled a tattle tale, it can equate to a social death that they have to live with on a day to day basis.

7.  It is too easy to abuse.  Socially intelligent children are often the ones exhibiting aggressive behavior.  Once they pick up on these policies they learn that they can claim victim status, tell on another student and bully by proxy.  They simply get the adults to do their dirty work through manipulation of these labels and policies.

8.  The anti-bullying movement also demonizes bystanders and sweeps them into a guilty verdict without allowing for any other personal choices.  Now if a child see an incident and does nothing,  he or she is as guilty as the offending "bully".  This process turns children on one another, becoming like a Police state, where suspicion and accusation are the rule of law.  Hitler Youth anyone?

9.  The anti-bullying movement promotes alarmism and a culture of fear surrounding normal childhood aggression.  This in turn causes many to rush to judgment and limits our ability to resolve the real underlying problems and help the ones who need sound adult wisdom the most.

10.  One look at the bullying statistics and any critical thinker will be confused by such wildly inconsistent data and distortions in the name of science.  It is anything but science, especially when you read the manipulative surveys and tactics used to collect the information.

In sharp contrast... 

John Nottingham's BullyProof Vest Bullying prevention education is entirely the opposite of the so called anti-bullying approach.

It is pro-active rather than simply reactive, creating a culture of peace, responsibility, respect, resourcefulness, empowerment, and self esteem.

Bully Proof  training is careful about the language and assumptions it uses for understanding conflict, aggression and a full spectrum of behaviors. It therefore protects the dignity and reputation of all involved with a more patient, balanced and caring approach to children.

BullyProof training approaches children with a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset and labeling approach.  It equips children with skills and tools to contextualize aggression, bad behavior and offers functional solutions to effectively resolve it.  Children are taught that building bridges is more powerful than revenge and damning labels.

BullyProof training operates on a peace process that works to create a cooperative, respectful culture and safe space for students to learn, speak freely and respect others opinions and ideals (even to disagree).

BullyProof empowers children to be resourceful problem solvers and build self esteem and empowerment through peace education and training.

If you would like to learn more about our BullyProof Vest peace process, verbal judo, and self defense empowerment approach, contact us at

http://usa-martialarts.com

Bullying Statistics, Solutions, Best Practices
The Phoenix BullyProof Project
Bullying Prevention Initiative International
Arizona Bullying Prevention Project

Partners in Education
Break The Chain of Child Abuse Foundation
The Black Belt Society
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The Arizona Bully Project – A Bully Proof Educational Initiative
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
Email info@usa-martialarts.com
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
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Grandma's Advice on How To Handle Life's Painful Times

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

I read this story long ago and have used it in my lessons to inspire and encourage.  While I didn't write it, I hope that sharing it here will nourish your soul and encourage your heart.  - John Nottingham

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.

Georges St. Pierre is the welterweight champion of the UFC...and he was once bullied.

GETTY IMAGES
Bullied?  Feeling Tired, Trapped and Alone About Bullying?  
Find Out What This UFC Champion Did About Being Bullied In School When He Was a Kid.


Georges St. Pierre is the welterweight champion of the UFC.  But little Georges St. Pierre was a brainy skinny kid who got picked on a lot.  In fact, in a recent interview GSP describes the pain and fear he experienced in his childhood due to school bullying.


Bullied Kid Becomes UFC Champion
Now considered one of the greatest pound for pound UFC fighters in history, Georges Rush St. Pierre is considered a martial arts fighter in his own class.  One of his most appreciated qualities from the traditional martial artists of the world is that he remains respectful in how he conducts himself.  GSP still wears a traditional Karate Gi into the ring with Black Belt, then he bows as a tribute of respect to the fans, judges and opponent.


GSP Fights Against Bullying
GSP is now using his worldwide UFC fame to speak out against bullying behavior.  He hopes his message will give children hope in seeing past their present situation to know that they have a bright future ahead.


UFC 129: St. Pierre vs. Shields
GSP is preparing to fight one of the most anticipated fights in UFC history as he faces WEC Champion Jake Shields at UFC 129 in Canada.


Read more about Georges St. Pierre and what he has to say on Bullies, Bullying and being Bullied in his childhood school years.  Karate turned it all around for GSP, maybe it can for you too.

GSP uses bully pulpit for noble cause

Georges St. Pierre is the welterweight champion of the UFC.


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USA Martial Arts Phoenix, Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards
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Anti-Bullying Movement - Sensationalized Media Claims Motivated by Politics?

Bully on Bullying

Much is being written right now on the so called Anti-Bully movement, how to handle bullies, beat the bully, bully be gone, beware of bullies, and bully this-bully that. Since the tragic incidents at Columbine High School many attempts have been made to link specific tragedies with bullying. While I will not deny that bullying behavior may have been a contributing factor, the case for directly linking bullying to some of these acts violence is not adequately made from my perspective. This is a very specific claim of a causal relationship from bullying experience to these incidences. But is it true?

Quaere verum Bully Busters

There are millions of individuals who have been bullied and never committed suicide. There are millions of individuals targeted for bullying who never went on violent shooting sprees. Why? Are we to deny the other elements? Are we simply seeking the holy grail or silver bullet- a quick and easy fix? Are we seeking an emotional outlet by demonizing bullies and affixing blame to only "the bully"? Are we creating a rewarding victim culture? Making such specific argument comes with some serious responsibility. This whole "Stop The Bully Epidemic" and "Anti-Bully" ideology raises many questions for me.

Is Bullying Such a Mystery?

My research thus far has indicated that bullying behavior in an of itself is not the sole cause of these violent incidences. It is part of a larger matrix. To attribute a single factor as the primary cause may be dangerous and result in us to stop looking for context, and all the other contributing factors that lead up to the incident. It is not a mystery. In fact, my teacher Gavin de Becker (leading expert/author The Gift of Fear) teaches us that one of the greatest tools we have for learning to predict violence situations is to start by refusing to it call it a mystery. This puts us in a seat of responsibility and on a good track to learn and prevent such incidents in the future. A must read for parents and teachers is Protecting The Gift by Gavin de Becker. It will change your life.

How Seriously Do I Take Bullying?

My position does not mean that bullying is not a serious issue. That does not mean that I do not take bullying very seriously. That does not diminish the lives of those who have passed away with some element of bullying. Quite the opposite, I have devoted my life to teaching men, women and children to live safer, happier, healthier lives. I am devoting serious resources, time and energy from my personal life, security company and martial arts school to help others because we can make a difference.

So Called Anti-Bullying Programs

My point is that we must tread carefully here and make sure we do our due diligence. We need to make sure that this bullying movement does not turn into a modern day witch hunt. In my view, this latest bullying movement is the result of some very powerful and persuasive, well-intentioned non-experts. Just take a look and you will clearly see that most of the so called "anti-bullying" programs were developed by people who are not professional protectors. That is not to say that academics and individuals from other fields do not have something valuable to contribute. I'm just saying that the butcher shouldn't be teaching how to do a liver transplant just because he sees livers every day or feels strongly about it. I think liver transplants are better left to specialists who you guessed it... actually transplant livers.

Personal Security & Self Defense from Bullying

My courses were developed through the lens of a protector, a bodyguard, military and law enforcement trainer and a teacher who has helped thousands of children (and adults) successfully deal with bullying. I'm proud to say that most of those incidents were resolved peacefully. If they did get physical, the harm was minimized on both sides due to the techniques and tactics my team and I teach. Perhaps more importantly, we use this opportunity to teach much broader safety and personal protection skills for the dangerous situations children are more likely to encounter.

Has Bullying Become the Latest Scare Tactic? Remember Stranger Danger?

I respectfully disagree with the "Anti-bully" effort. Our research indicates that it is causing more harm than good in some cases. Does it really warrant Government (your tax dollars) funding, and anti-bullying legislation? Is this a governmental responsibility? Anytime I hear of "new legislation" being introduced it gives me pause to consider the potential erosion of our constitutional freedoms and liberties.  In this case, it gives me cause for concern because  I have always believed children's safety as a parental, teacher and protectors domain.

"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."- Mother Teresa - War - Peace

I've been posting blog articles about it and I cannot reconcile any effort that would vilify a child. Our approach is pro-children and pro-peace. We advocate a different manner of thinking - a somewhat holistic one. I advocate a bullying prevention program driven by facts, evidence and shared best practices.

"Make the bullies go away" is like wishing all criminals magically disappeared to the land of gumdrops, unicorns and rainbows. No matter how one attempts to rationalize it, denial is never a good safety strategy.

Nothing Provides Peace of Mind Like Living Informed With Truth & The Confidence of Being Able To Defend Yourself. You Can Give The Gift of Confidence to Your Child.

Our bully prevention and education training is developed to give children, parents and teachers peace of mind. We also advocate two other programs if you cannot access ours.


Respectfully,

John Nottingham
Founder, Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative
The Bullying Prevention Project


For more information on our Bullying Prevention Education Training Programs contact:
info@usa-martialarts.com
602-896-8721

The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - AZ Bullying Prevention Project

(A private initiative by protectors not politicians)

How To Victim and Bully Proof Your Kids!

Do Your Kids Have a Bully Proof Vest?

How To Handle A Bully Without Fighting and Turn My Bully Into My Buddy

5 Steps To Effectively Stop Bullying

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